super bowl covverage.

i was gonna be all cute and do this in poem form, but it is verru late
at night, so, i will just say, the final score was the New Orleans
Saints over the Indianapolis Colts 31 to 17. for more information, check
out jeans blog. i am not that huge into sports, let alone the super
bowl. look for "virual pie" on my profile page.

half way there. a journal entry

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Well, I'm on the home stretch. Will I make it?

That's something I have been asking myself a lot. Will I make it? Will I make it across the finish line, and carry a high school diploma between my fingers?

I believe I will.

This week, my guidance councilor talked with me about my IEP. To be very honest, I'm quite scared. Everything hangs on one act test. Oh passed history and now I'm working oh government and economics. It's a real good thing that Mr. Sabo is a good teacher, because I think I would have failed otherwise.

I know I didn't pass the test in government because I didn't answer the questions. The test was so small you could look at all 16 questions without moving your head. I didn't do so hot on that test, but the next one I will do better.

It's a good thing he gives points for class discussion and participation, because I have it in the bag there.

Nevertheless, anyways, this past week as been interesting. The biggest thing is that my IEP is this next Friday, and to be very honest I can't wait. I want to know what they have to say about me, and if I have improved or not. I'm pretty sure that I did, but still.

After my IEP is the act testing, and it's a week after my IEP too.

I'm very nervous and everything, but at the same time, I'm a little bit excited.

That's silly of me to be excited I know, but you know what? I am. I have a feeling I'm going to do well in this IEP. Shockingly, it may be the best one I have yet. I hope it's my last, but if not, I have options.

I don't know what the heck I will do returning here another year and taking no required lasses. Even though I haven't gotten my high school diploma, I'm wondering if I can take some advanced placement classes at the college I want to go to, which is the Saint Johns community college. I don't think that's possible, but I want to ask anyway.

I've been thinking, and you all know when I do that usually I'm going to spew out some huge monologue about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Wow, I was just kidding, but that's usually what I preach.

You all know I'm afraid, but you all don't know of what. Well, you probably do, but I'm just going to spilt it out anyway.

I'm afraid of the unknown just like everyone else. I guess the right word wouldn't be afraid, but something else. Apprehensive maybe? I don't know. Here's what's in my head.

If I don’t graduate, what will be in store for me? What’s going to happen? What will I do when I have to return for another year? I don’t have a plan for if I don't graduate.

If I do graduate, where am I going to go? I have an idea, and while it may not seem like a good one, I'm going to try anyway.

After I graduate high school and get my high school diploma, I want to go to the concland center in Daytona I then want to go to college after the concland center, while all the while working on sightless hope. I want to get my bachelors degree in English and journalism. I may want to get my masters degree in journalism. I want to do both, but Mrs. Knor said that would be too hard for me, and it would take me forever. To be very honest, by this point, I don't care. I'm not in a huge rush to get out of college anyway. As a matter of fact, I plan on staying in college for quite some time getting my masters degree. What's the point in rushing through college? What's going to happen afterwards? I go to work forever and that's all I do? I plan on killing time and experience with just one simple action. I'm pretty sure that once I do get published, I will be widely read. I seriously see no point in hurrying through college. What's the point of rushing through something that's going to make up the rest of your life? Everyone's going to be very unhappy with me, but I don't care all that much. I believe what I'm thinking about doing is the best thing.

This is old babble, but I hope I'm well read. I hope I publish my books and people almost everywhere will read them. I hope one day, I will see books I made myself in bookstores. I often picture myself signing books, and looking at my own work on bookshelves.

There's something else I haven’t told anyone as well. I hope my sightless hope book helps people. I hope it opens people’s eyes to just what may be going on under peoples noses. Who knows, somewhere in the world, there could be someone crying at night as his mom was nowhere to be seen, just as I was. Who knows, like me, some kid may not even graduate high school, because his mom wouldn't let him study at nights. I hope one day, someone walks up to me and tells me that my book helped them, or helped someone they loved. I hope teachers too; take a hard look at what I have to say. I want to hear that someone saved someone else because of just my words on a page. I seriously hope I will become a well-known author. I don’t want to be that author who people read once and then forget about like some dirty rag on the street. I want to have my words stick in people’s minds. Travis called me narcissistic, and perhaps I am. Sarcastic people dream of the future, and they have high egos. I do have a high ego and I do exhibit narcissistic behavior, but I feel I deserve it to be honest with you after so many years of thinking that I am nothing, that my mom never gave me the one thing I sought, and that was love. I believe I have a right to dream big and to have a high ego.

There is also something else I haven't told anyone. I want to seek professional help after high school. I want to get a councilor. Many people will frown on this, but I want to. I feel that by getting someone who I can honestly talk to, someone who knows how I feel will help me to be even better, not that I'm not doing good on my own. I know I'm doing better already, and I know I will only continue to improve. See, my mom didn't beat me. I won. I won the battle, but the wars not over yet. That's okay though, because I'm ready. Bring it on. I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. I'm done pleasing my mom. I'm going to leave her in the dust, and be what my ultimate goal is, successful.