By Robert Kingett.
Dear MySpace…
I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while, but I've been very busy these days. The reason I'm writing to you now is that I have something I want to tell you, that I should have told you long ago. This relationship is getting quite strained. I know that you and I have had many good times together customizing the look of my page, listening to music, and hanging out with friends, but the recent changes you have been going through just down right turn me off.
Recently you’re letting people do whatever they want to do, and that includes coming in my space. Some of these strange people I don't even know. I’d like just a little privacy you know, I don't want to have my space be an open gateway for people to look at and view at their leisure.
I can also tell your getting old because you’re trying to change for the better, and I understand that, but you’re making yourself slower, and making your entire friends switch to something else.
Now darling, I know how much you love to change, since You’ve been doing so frequently I don’t know who you are anymore, but I like the old you. I don't like the new drop down link system you have at the top of your page. It makes you look gruff.
I didn't want to have to tell you this and I'm deeply sorry for it, but I just can't stand all these pop ups and hidden viruses within you your just not taking care of yourself these days. You used to be clean and polished and everyone could enjoy your company when they came over for a chat, but now every time people go to my profile to catch up on things, they are bombarded with ads and pops ups. It's just getting old fast dear, I've tried so many different ways to change you, to make you better, but you didn't listen. You have no idea how hurt that makes me feel.
One other thing that you keep doing is asking me to decipher a code whenever I want to do something. You call it a captcha, but I just call it a headache. Whenever I want to just hang out and send my friends a message, when my own friends are t my own space, and sending me stuff all the time. After a while dear, those codes just hurt my eyes.
I do admit your music collection is just magnificent, and that's one of your good traits and all, but I just can't take the slow pages anymore, the pop ups, the ads, and the spam I get from you it's just tiresome! Like for instance, the other day you wanted to let a robot who was pretending to be a girl into my own space. I'm just not having it dear.
I've found someone better, younger, and more polished than you. his name is Face book. Facebook doesn't do all these things to me as you do. He doesn't let complete strangers into my space, and I feel comfortable, and secure around him. I can even chat with my friends easier with him. He doesn't pitch fit and crash my computer whenever I want to say hi to my friend. He's cleaner to. He takes good care of his appearance and performance. Perhaps you should take page from his book, and g with the simple looks. Looks don't matter to me; it's the performance that counts.
Sure, he can be annoying with all his event notifications, but everyone has their flaws. You, dear, just really get yourself go. At one time, there was something special with all the glitter graphics you gave me, but not anymore. I'm sorry MySpace, but Facebook just pleases me more.
I'll be by to start moving my stuff soon. Please don't fight me on this. I'm so sorry, but I just can't do this anymore! I'm taking all my pictures and personal info, about me, and contact info. You won’t need to pack anything up. I can do it myself.
So if you could make this easy on everyone, just sign the divorce papers. Please. Again darling, I'm sorry, but Facebook just gives me more. I'll be by with a computer to move my stuff shortly. Take care, and bless you
Sincerely, the sad user.
Wednesday
The wife of baths tale, modernized. (from the canteburry tales)
Robert Kingett.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Summery of the wife of baths tale.
It was on a sunny Tuesday morning. Don't ask me why it was on that day, but it was. I, a noble good knight of King Arthur's court, did something unspeakable. I have committed the ultimate sin to that day, but I guess I don't regret it since it brought about a greater treasure than I foresaw.
She was a pretty woman just walking along side the riverbank. When she approached me, I could not help myself. I did something unspeakable. I couldn't help it. She was so fine I just had to commit sin!
When I had arrived back, at King Arthur's court the queen heard of my plight and she scolded me on it.
“Your very lucky sir knight!” she said wagging a bony finger in my red face.
“I have a proposal for you sir knight. If you can answer this question correctly, you will live.” I jumped on this like a life raft. Was she serious? That was all I had to do? You have to be kidding me! That's all? I got this in the bag!
“Excuse me! Are you listening to me?” the queen interrupted my contented thoughts.
“o. I'm sorry. What is it you asked?” the queen actually rolled her eyes at me as she said, “I want to have you tell me what woman want the most. Do you wish to answer me now?”
I thought about it for a few seconds. The answer was love wasn’t it? Something in my gut however told me that that was too common of an answer. I pondered for a bit, but I couldn't think of something. What I needed was more time to see if I couldn't seek out the answer on my own.
“No. I can't.” she stood up and pointed at me.
“Well then sir knight, you have a year and a day to find what your looking for. Be gone with you, and don't return until then.” What could I do? I did as she asked.
After a year, I still did not find the answer, until I saw 20 women dancing in the thick trees near by a stream. I approached, eager to get to know these fine young women when I had suddenly realized they disappeared. Where did they go? In their place, there was a figure with her back to me. I slowly approached her, me hand on my sword ready and poised for battle.
“Excuse me, but I'm looking for someone who can help me.” She turned around and I nearly fell of my horse. What met my eyes was the worst looking creature I had ever seen in my life. Her hair, botched and patchy was a mess on her head, her teeth intact but slightly lopsided. A flat waxy face with thick lines cries crossing her nose and forehead, a nose that curved at the end making it look a little like a human snout.
“Oh, my eyes”
“Is the sun bothering you knight?”
“No. just looking for answers is all.
“I may have what you seek. I am LD yes, but I know a thing or two about life. I've been up and down the block. The stars and moon and sun have no teenier against me.” I decided to give her a shot, so I slowly spoke.
“I need to find what woman most want.”
“As it so happens I have that answer! But you have to do whatever I ask.” I swore on my deathbed that I would. What could she possibly have me do, after all?
“Well, okay. Woman desire to be controlled.” My eyes bugged out of my head.
“Um, is that all?”
“Yes. That's all.” Shocked, I rode back to the court.
When I had arrived back and told the queen the answer, she beamed with happiness.
“That’s correct!” the old lady stood up.
“I gave him this answer, and now he must do something for me, if he can. He will marry me.” The whole place stood and gasped some people even fainted.
“Way to go.” I mumbled under my breath, but despite all this, I agreed, just as I promised.
After our quiet dreadful marriage, my wife and I lay in bed one night, about to fornicate, when I just could not take it anymore. She was just too ugly to even look at! Yuck!
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Everything! You’re just too ugly, and your poor and you smell like caramel cream puffs. It sickens me! You’re just too ugly for me to look at you”
“Look at god. He's poor isn’t he?”
I guess so, but your just so gross.” My wife sighed heavily, and then continued.
“Okay. You get two choices. Have me pretty, and possibly becoming non loyal to you, or have me like this, but you'll never have to worry about another man touching me.” This was so annoying I didn't even know where to begin. Either choice I made I would regret, just as I did with this one, I don't want to have that on my shoulders. I don't think I can bare it! The horror! Okay, what about if I just let her chose. At least I wouldn't screw up even worse, and at least I wouldn't have to feel bad for myself if she chooses something wrong, what more harm could it do?
“I can't decide. You choose! I don't want to choose!”
In the end, she chose both. I was so shocked and amazed I kissed her like she never felt in our time together. In bed that night holding my new beautiful and loyal wife, I looked at the stars and the moon. In a way, the moon was like my new wife. Both beautiful and loyal and trustworthy all the time. The moon could be counted to do what it's supposed to do, and it was the most amazing thing to look at. Same with my wife, my perfect wife. I looked up at the moon, and sighed.
“I know I have made the right choice.” I knew in my heart that was true.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Summery of the wife of baths tale.
It was on a sunny Tuesday morning. Don't ask me why it was on that day, but it was. I, a noble good knight of King Arthur's court, did something unspeakable. I have committed the ultimate sin to that day, but I guess I don't regret it since it brought about a greater treasure than I foresaw.
She was a pretty woman just walking along side the riverbank. When she approached me, I could not help myself. I did something unspeakable. I couldn't help it. She was so fine I just had to commit sin!
When I had arrived back, at King Arthur's court the queen heard of my plight and she scolded me on it.
“Your very lucky sir knight!” she said wagging a bony finger in my red face.
“I have a proposal for you sir knight. If you can answer this question correctly, you will live.” I jumped on this like a life raft. Was she serious? That was all I had to do? You have to be kidding me! That's all? I got this in the bag!
“Excuse me! Are you listening to me?” the queen interrupted my contented thoughts.
“o. I'm sorry. What is it you asked?” the queen actually rolled her eyes at me as she said, “I want to have you tell me what woman want the most. Do you wish to answer me now?”
I thought about it for a few seconds. The answer was love wasn’t it? Something in my gut however told me that that was too common of an answer. I pondered for a bit, but I couldn't think of something. What I needed was more time to see if I couldn't seek out the answer on my own.
“No. I can't.” she stood up and pointed at me.
“Well then sir knight, you have a year and a day to find what your looking for. Be gone with you, and don't return until then.” What could I do? I did as she asked.
After a year, I still did not find the answer, until I saw 20 women dancing in the thick trees near by a stream. I approached, eager to get to know these fine young women when I had suddenly realized they disappeared. Where did they go? In their place, there was a figure with her back to me. I slowly approached her, me hand on my sword ready and poised for battle.
“Excuse me, but I'm looking for someone who can help me.” She turned around and I nearly fell of my horse. What met my eyes was the worst looking creature I had ever seen in my life. Her hair, botched and patchy was a mess on her head, her teeth intact but slightly lopsided. A flat waxy face with thick lines cries crossing her nose and forehead, a nose that curved at the end making it look a little like a human snout.
“Oh, my eyes”
“Is the sun bothering you knight?”
“No. just looking for answers is all.
“I may have what you seek. I am LD yes, but I know a thing or two about life. I've been up and down the block. The stars and moon and sun have no teenier against me.” I decided to give her a shot, so I slowly spoke.
“I need to find what woman most want.”
“As it so happens I have that answer! But you have to do whatever I ask.” I swore on my deathbed that I would. What could she possibly have me do, after all?
“Well, okay. Woman desire to be controlled.” My eyes bugged out of my head.
“Um, is that all?”
“Yes. That's all.” Shocked, I rode back to the court.
When I had arrived back and told the queen the answer, she beamed with happiness.
“That’s correct!” the old lady stood up.
“I gave him this answer, and now he must do something for me, if he can. He will marry me.” The whole place stood and gasped some people even fainted.
“Way to go.” I mumbled under my breath, but despite all this, I agreed, just as I promised.
After our quiet dreadful marriage, my wife and I lay in bed one night, about to fornicate, when I just could not take it anymore. She was just too ugly to even look at! Yuck!
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Everything! You’re just too ugly, and your poor and you smell like caramel cream puffs. It sickens me! You’re just too ugly for me to look at you”
“Look at god. He's poor isn’t he?”
I guess so, but your just so gross.” My wife sighed heavily, and then continued.
“Okay. You get two choices. Have me pretty, and possibly becoming non loyal to you, or have me like this, but you'll never have to worry about another man touching me.” This was so annoying I didn't even know where to begin. Either choice I made I would regret, just as I did with this one, I don't want to have that on my shoulders. I don't think I can bare it! The horror! Okay, what about if I just let her chose. At least I wouldn't screw up even worse, and at least I wouldn't have to feel bad for myself if she chooses something wrong, what more harm could it do?
“I can't decide. You choose! I don't want to choose!”
In the end, she chose both. I was so shocked and amazed I kissed her like she never felt in our time together. In bed that night holding my new beautiful and loyal wife, I looked at the stars and the moon. In a way, the moon was like my new wife. Both beautiful and loyal and trustworthy all the time. The moon could be counted to do what it's supposed to do, and it was the most amazing thing to look at. Same with my wife, my perfect wife. I looked up at the moon, and sighed.
“I know I have made the right choice.” I knew in my heart that was true.
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