Myspace divorce letter. edited.

By Robert Kingett.

Dear MySpace…

I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while, but I've been very busy these days. The reason I'm writing to you now is that I have something I want to tell you, that I should have told you long ago. This relationship is getting quite strained. I know that you and I have had many good times together customizing the look of my page, listening to music, and hanging out with friends, but the recent changes you have been going through just down right turn me off.
Recently you’re letting people do whatever they want to do, and that includes coming in my space. Some of these strange people I don't even know. I’d like just a little privacy you know, I don't want to have my space be an open gateway for people to look at and view at their leisure.
I can also tell your getting old because you’re trying to change for the better, and I understand that, but you’re making yourself slower, and making your entire friends switch to something else.
Now darling, I know how much you love to change, since You’ve been doing so frequently I don’t know who you are anymore, but I like the old you. I don't like the new drop down link system you have at the top of your page. It makes you look gruff.
I didn't want to have to tell you this and I'm deeply sorry for it, but I just can't stand all these pop ups and hidden viruses within you your just not taking care of yourself these days. You used to be clean and polished and everyone could enjoy your company when they came over for a chat, but now every time people go to my profile to catch up on things, they are bombarded with ads and pops ups. It's just getting old fast dear, I've tried so many different ways to change you, to make you better, but you didn't listen. You have no idea how hurt that makes me feel.
One other thing that you keep doing is asking me to decipher a code whenever I want to do something. You call it a captcha, but I just call it a headache. Whenever I want to just hang out and send my friends a message, when my own friends are t my own space, and sending me stuff all the time. After a while dear, those codes just hurt my eyes.
I do admit your music collection is just magnificent, and that's one of your good traits and all, but I just can't take the slow pages anymore, the pop ups, the ads, and the spam I get from you it's just tiresome! Like for instance, the other day you wanted to let a robot who was pretending to be a girl into my own space. I'm just not having it dear.
I've found someone better, younger, and more polished than you. his name is Face book. Facebook doesn't do all these things to me as you do. He doesn't let complete strangers into my space, and I feel comfortable, and secure around him. I can even chat with my friends easier with him. He doesn't pitch fit and crash my computer whenever I want to say hi to my friend. He's cleaner to. He takes good care of his appearance and performance. Perhaps you should take page from his book, and g with the simple looks. Looks don't matter to me; it's the performance that counts.
Sure, he can be annoying with all his event notifications, but everyone has their flaws. You, dear, just really get yourself go. At one time, there was something special with all the glitter graphics you gave me, but not anymore. I'm sorry MySpace, but Facebook just pleases me more.
I'll be by to start moving my stuff soon. Please don't fight me on this. I'm so sorry, but I just can't do this anymore! I'm taking all my pictures and personal info, about me, and contact info. You won’t need to pack anything up. I can do it myself.
So if you could make this easy on everyone, just sign the divorce papers. Please. Again darling, I'm sorry, but Facebook just gives me more. I'll be by with a computer to move my stuff shortly. Take care, and bless you

Sincerely, the sad user.