new complications. part 2. continuation of my journal.

Monday, March 23, 2009

I am back, and the saga continues. Guess what? Nothing at all is happening! Is that normal for a school? Nothing ever happens here someone once told me, and I had to agree. Since I am not in on the latest bucket of gossip I don't know anything that goes on here. That’s actually kind of sad.

I do have news though, and it's half and half. It's both good and bad news at the same time if that’s even possible. Oh well if it's not. I don't care. The news is that I had tests today, and me being home sick I know I failed every single one of them. I also am going to get to go to prom and the senior trip because my guardian will give me 100 dollars. I’m too lazy to type anything correctly at the moment, and I hope that you don’t care either. Too bad if you don’t, anyway, now the bad news, No I’m not gay or pregnant or dying from cancer but something scary has happened all the same. I lost my ID to get in the dorm! I don't know what the heck happened to it. I returned home with it in my pocket, but then I never saw it again. When I got in and told Mr. Evan he just snorts like he knew that something like that was going to happen.

“I lost my ID, so how can I get a new one?”

“Well do you have seven bucks?” I seriously thought that he was just kidding. Shaking my head I say “no.”

“So that means you can’t go anywhere.” I couldn’t help but be sarcastic with him. I kind of figured that out.

“That’s what I figured.” He just grunts at me like some overgrown bear.

“Well, you have to just wait outside the gate until someone comes.” I was kind of hoping that he would tell me I could get one soon.

“But what if no one comes?” He speaks as if I had just asked what two plus two was.

“Then you’re going to be standing out there a while. I hope you have a sweat shirt, because it's going to be cold in the afternoons. It is after all your responsibility to keep track of that ID.” I knew that, and I was sorry, and I knew how much crap I would be in. he didn’t have to rub my nose in the same old crap.

“I will tell mare that you lost it. I can’t believe you did lose it.” I didn’t even answer him. I just came in here, and did the apartment intro I was supposed to do last week, but I was sick so I am making it up this week. I like it. It's below.

Apartment intro.

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and my ego is soaring so high I can’t even control it. I am also getting an apartment! Woo hoot! This should be better than me imagining myself growing gigantic and killing people with bursts of candy.

It actually came about in a strange way however. I was doing a search on the good old world wide web and an idea taps me on the shoulder. I can tell he has something important to tell me, so I listen to him not knowing his plans. I honestly hate it when he does this because to be honest sometimes I don’t want to trust him. I listen to him anyway because I think he just may be good this once. I smile as he speaks in my head.

“Why not try this site?” I swear he can be so cocky sometimes I don't know even what to do with him. Rolling my eyes I do what he says. He does annoy me sometimes to the brink of my sanity, but sometimes he actually pulls through. In a nut shell, he does pull through, and I am so happy I am hugging him and kissing him like he has just saved my life. It's going to be a little apartment only for four hundred something! Woo! The sun is beaming with happiness at the prospect.

Like a traffic light changing, the events that lead up to me having a room mate were swift, vast, and completely strange. Someone walks up to me, asks me if she can be my room mate, and like an automatic machine gun my mouth says on its own “of course you can!”

So now my room mate is Connie mounts. She's going to work at McDonalds and get paid minimum wage. I on the other hand will be working at home, and get paid minimum wage. I will be a journalist in home. Beat that writer want to be’s! I get to live my dream and make stuff up at the same time. Actually I won’t, but I will get the chance to do reviews which is like having a new kind of leg. It's so interesting I can’t even put it into words!

I have decided not to go to school because my GPA is like my hair. It's down low and not coming up for anything. I don’t think that colleges will even take a 2.5 do you?? Then again I’m shocked I got the job. I thought you had to have a college degree. I think it had something to do with my boss flirting with me, but I am not sure. She did mention how lovely my eyes are though.

I just moved in, and the place looks so awesome I want to have cookies with tea! The place is wide open, and it even has a pool. It does not allow pets though. It didn’t say anything about having imaginary pets though. Hmmm.

When I got in I sat my suitcase down with a sense of awe in my heart. Connie just looked like she had to go to the bathroom, which was odd because she just went like an hour ago. I look at the bland space and I am thinking one simple thing.

“Bookshelves!” Connie looks at me like I have some sort of wart on my head and says

“Later.”

“Fine.” I pout.

After I get moved in I can’t help but think to myself as I lay on my bed at night time, listening to the wonderful yet scary sounds of my mind telling me that I have an adventure waiting for me. Turning over on my side looking out of a window, I am thinking that perhaps my mind is right. Perhaps I will embark on an adventure I will never forget. Closing my eyes for the first and final time that night. My stomach is churning. What kind of things were going to happen to us? Was I going to get sick and have to have my nose be amputated? The land lady seemed nice though twinkling her eyes at me today. I smiled at her only to get socked by an invisible hand because she was looking at a beautiful bird flying in the sky. She didn’t love me. Oh well. Looking out of the window that night I did not know many things. I did not know if I would even survive this encounter, I didn’t know if things would turn out good, I didn’t know if we would even have hot water for long, but I did know one thing. I was cold, and witty.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Well I did it. I am in trouble. I have an extra work duty tonight because I completely forgot to let the dorm know where I was going to be today. I was in drama club, and even that was a bit of a droll process. When I got out of the meeting and I was walking to the dorm up front I heard someone call my name. I didn’t hear her well because music was at the time playing in my ears. Looking back I saw Marge walking towards me not looking very happy.

“There you are.” she barks. “I was looking all over for you. You need to tell the dorm where you r. now you had me looking all over this damn campus wasting my time. I was on my way to the track looking for you.” It was like I had been punched in the mouth. How could I be so stupid? How could I forget to contact the dorm? Damn it! Truth is told I had just assumed that they would know where I was because I had been going there each and every Tuesday since I got here.

“I’m sorry.” I started to say but she cut me off like a slap to the cheek.

“I know and I don’t want to hear it. I’m sure you’re just as sorry as the other kids who do this to me.”

“I am!” I insisted, but she wouldn’t hear it at all.

“I got to go to the track, bye.” She just walks off without even another word directed at me or to me but I have to stop her before she gets farther away. When she does I hesitate to even tell her something.

“Could you let me in the gate? I lost my ID card, but I will get one Tomorrow morning. For now could you let me in?”

“no.” she barks at me. “I can’t do that. I will call Evan though and tell him that you are on your way.” With that she just walks away leaving me to ponder just how much mayhem I caused. One question did raise itself high in my brain that day. Why is she going to go to the track if she found me? Did she say she was actually going to look for me at the track when we had just spoken?

When I did get to the dorm Joe let me in after taunting and teasing me endlessly. When I got in the actual apartment the new dorm parent looked at me like I had some sort of pig on my head.

“You’re here.” She says like she wishes I had never even existed.

“Yes I am!” I chirp. I can hear the booming roar of Evan as he says.

“Hey come here. I need to talk with you??” I walk in the kitchen and he is looking at me as I sat my bag down on the floor and plop in a chair.

“Got a minute?” I wanted to say obviously, but I thought I better not push my luck just yet.

“Lets have a little chat shall we?” he then is asking me all these obviously no questions like did I call the dorm, did I even try to contact the dorm, did I email the dorm, did I remember about the dorm, did I call switchboard to get the number to call the dorm, and so many other completely stupid questions I forgot what they were. By that time I wanted to scream at him well obviously if I didn’t call the dorm I didn’t call some place to get the number!

“You know you did a bad thing right?” I fight so hard to be as normal as I can when I answer. Wanting to throw in her own two cents the new dorm parent just has to chime in “he didn’t say a word to me. Not a single word about where he was going to be.”

“Thanks, that’s kind of why I am having this talk with him,” Evan snaps. He looks back at me and continues to be a smart alike.

“Do you think it's funny to just go off and not tell people where you are? It's some game to you??” I couldn’t keep anger out of my voice when I snapped “no!” he didn’t flinch.

So you thought you could just skip along to drama club and not tell anyone where you were? Joe told me where you were as soon as he came in at 3 45. You just walked right along to drama club and didn’t even tell anyone!” I look at him completely aghast. He knew where I was the whole time? I had to know.

“So you knew where I was?”

“Ya, that’s why I didn’t call security, It took you longer than expected to get back here, but I knew where you were at.” That made me so mad I wanted to hit something. Even though I knew that I had done a stupid thing, at least he knew exactly where I was. Thinking about this I fumed some more. He knew where I was at so why did he have people out looking for me? This man didn’t make any sense at all.

“Look. I screwed up, so what's my punishment?” I ask coldly not wanting to voice my theories in case they were erroneous.

“Since you didn’t call the dorm and let people know where you were going to be, I will give you an extra work duty. You will help Thomas out in the kitchen tonight. That means putting the silverware away, and mopping the floors, and all that.” I didn’t even say a word. I just look at him like he's asking me to commit murder or something. He had Marge looking for me when he knew exactly where I was. Granted I didn’t tell anyone where I was because I had stupidly assumed something, so I was willing to take punishment for that, but he knew where I was, and he was lying straight to my face about it. Was he? I was so confused I didn’t even feel like arguing at all. I then thought that in some subtle way he was lying to me so that he can give me a work duty so that I would at least call the dorm next time. If this was some clever way to get me in trouble and have to do more chores so I will not forget or assume again to call the dorm or that people know where I am, it was working. I was still mad that he was going to play this manipulation on me. Why did he have to manipulate me like this? Why did he lie to me?

“This will teach you.” He said with a sarcastic tone. "You had us all worried sick about you, you know?” I didn’t answer him. I just went into my room and shut the door hard. He comes in to tell me that he admires me because I stood up and admitted I have done a bad thing. That’s fine; I can be punished for my own mistakes and faults, but to be punished in the process of manipulation? I was not a happy camper in result of that.

“I’m very proud of what you did, taking responsibility for your actions.” He's telling me in the door way of my room. His booming voice actually reverberates several times off the walls like he's yelling at me but he's not. I don’t speak all that much to him because I am still mad he tricked me and lied to me. I even confirmed he did in an off handed sort of way, but I did confirm that he was lying to me. After he left, I cursed him, and wished with all my heart that he would pay for what he did. So who was the bad guy here? Me or him? I guess the true question should be who is the bigger bad guy? Me or him? A few minutes later he comes and tells me that Thomas is sick and needs the help anyway, and I don’t mind helping him out, but that makes me even angrier because now I am thinking he did this because he wants to have some help for Thomas anyway, so he lied to me to trap me. He's clever, and I hate him so much I want to just ignore his punishment. I honestly do.

After dinner I do help Thomas with putting away the dishes. I do well until I get to the silverware. I was putting each type of silverware in its own place inside of a drawer when Evan comes up and looks at what I am doing.

“Um, excuse me we need to talk.” Oh my god what now? I think to myself as he holds up a fork I had just put in there.

“What is this?” I want to say that it's the gateway to all hell and heaven, but I just mumble “it's a fork.”

“Very good!” he coo's as if I am some dim witted child or something. “I want you to feel how you placed the other forks in that spot.” Humoring him I do, but I can see them plain as day. They are all facing away from me.

“What do they all have in common?” he asks me. I fight back a smart ass remark and say.

“They are all facing the wall.” I don’t like where this game is going to go, so I’m trying to think of what my punishment is when he continues to talk to me.”

“This fork.” He says indicating it with a fat finger. “Didn’t go in the same way didn’t it? What if you did that with knives? Someone could have cut their self while getting a knife and guess what? It would be your entire fault!” in my whole life I never gotten yelled at because of the way I place silverware in a drawer, but I guess there is a first time for everything. So let me get this straight. He was yelling at me because I didn’t put a fork in pointing in the right direction? I didn’t even know why he was mad at me. This was bizarre.

“Sorry.” I mumble, but he goes on and on and on about how that was a bad thing to do, and that I should have to keep all silverware pointing in the same direction. “What if you were totally blind!” he's yelling at me. “Would you want to cut yourself because someone did a stupid thing?” I am so mad at him now I don't know even what to say.

“No.”

“Well then why are you doing it this way? All silverware must be in the same place pointing in the same direction! I want to give you room restriction, but I’m not. It was an honest mistake. Don’t do it again though.” I was so confused I didn’t even know what I was getting scolded for. Bemused and angry I am about ready to tell him to go stuff it, but I don’t want to do anything stupid. In my room after that I am looking up at the ceiling trying to figure out why someone would give me room restriction because I didn’t point a fork in a specific direction. I grimace as I turn over, my back killing me so much I want to scream.

I am in my room now at 11:00 at night past my curfew and I am so angry again. I seem to be getting that a lot today, but given the past events who can blame me? I just got done scrubbing the staff office which the new lady dorm parent had ever so kindly suggested I should do because I was so negligent. As I was doing it she actually stood there and watched me. Sneering.

“You’re new. I don’t ever remember seeing you around the blind department. It's a good thing too, because today what I saw was not the makings of a man.” I snap at her about enough of these two idiots.

“Let me do my work.”

“Touchy! You better watch that mouth boy. Lots of ungrateful brats come here and disrespect me, so I punish them. I think you need more punishment to be honest with you. You didn’t learn your lesson at all, none of you do! You think it's funny to have people worried about you?? You disgust me.” I don’t think I ever heard that come out of an adult’s mouth before. With eyes of fire she burns me with her stare.

“I’m deeply sorry.” I said and I meant it. She just sneered.

“No your not! You will walk out of this office not even feeling one damn bit remorseful. All you care about is your damn video games and own egos.” I don't know what to say, so I just continue wiping off the counter diligently.

“So what do you like to do for fun? Do you like to chase girls? Are you some kind of pervert? You won’t forget to call us again will you? I should have made you wash my car so that way your generation can gain some respect.”

“I like to read, and I won’t forget. I undertake what I say.” She's looking at me with knives for eyes trying to stab me in many ways with her stare. “And for another thing, you shouldn’t stereotype. You don’t know who I am, and if I am right you were once of this population also, so you were just as disrespectful as you are now. You want respect you got to give respect.” I am so past the point of caring what I say to her. I start to wipe off the counter again but stops when she speaks.

“You’re very clever, and a brat.” I shut the door in her face accidently on purpose, but she thinks I did it mainly by accident and opens it again.

“You won’t keep it. I don’t like reading at all. Waste of time for me. So many kids don’t even do anything anymore because their lazy.” Ignoring her I go back to wiping. I’m almost done when she says.

“Wow. You did something! That’s amazing! At least you’re not in some wish washy fairy tale land. So tomorrow are you going to scare us again?”

“No.” I say with conviction in my fluctuating voice.

“I bet.” She snaps, and walks away saying that I should be in school suspension because of my attitude.

I am all done, and I am so tired I can’t even think. The new lady reminds me of a V C Andrews antagonist. She hates me, and she didn’t even try to like me. God. What can go on next? I will keep you all posted. I’m tired. Good night.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I am in history class, and I just got back the tests I took but didn’t study for. I got a 65%. I’m so tired I want to go home. This is killing me. I have a new ID now, so now I can take my sweet time and getting in the dorm. I’m not in a huge rush to go back there though. When will this all end? If this is what learning how to be independent is like, then I don’t want to be independent, at least by Evans standards and the new ladies. I still don’t even know her name. That’s sad. Well, I want to rest, so I will continue later. Bye all.

Later. Still Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I forgot to mention that I also took the trash out to the dumpster last night at 10 46 PM. Dear god. Kill me. I don't know if I will even survive much longer to see myself graduate.

I will also get taught how to make a bed this afternoon by darious who is a fat black kid with a nasty temper. I mean he blew up at me because I told him dinner is done. Should be fun. I hate being independent.

Even later. Still Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I just got praise, and I didn’t even think I would. That’s amazing! I just made up my bed all by myself with little help from Thomas ray who instructed me, but didn’t help me. I’m not mad about it though, because he didn’t make me feel like I am breathing wrong or something. He actually gave me advice that could help me. I liked working with him a lot.

I just got done eating dinner. I didn’t make it but I did eat it, ha. The dinner was good, and I have a lot of free time, but I will do history homework because I don’t want to have it tomorrow. I will write in here later.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I’m slacking off I guess. I didn’t get to write in here yesterday because after I got done with my history homework it was like 9:00 at night, and I wanted to listen to my book some more. So I did that. Sean, my new roommate just had to make it clear that I did a stupid thing about the drama club and not letting anyone know where I was. This morning after I was making toast and rushing out of the door I hear him call me. I turn not wanting to even acknowledge the fact he exists.

“Hey. You got in trouble.” No duh Sherlock!

“I know. What do you want a medal?” he blanches, then fires at me again.

“No. I have the satisfaction knowing that I will never do something as idiotic as that.”

“Oh and what do you do that’s so much better? Get caught smoking on campus?” that hits him so hard he recoils from me.

“You know about that?”

“Ya I do. You know you got to learn to keep your mouth shut one of these days. Someone could just tell on you like that. Didn’t it happen the same day I was walking from drama club?” I had ease dropped on the staff talking about it.

“Well at least I’m not a rat.”

“Oh I am not a rat either. After all, I was walking from drama at that time remember? So that stupid mistake caused me not to get the even bigger punishment huh?” he's looking at me like he hates me. With his fat red cheeks and glasses he looks like an over weight want to be.

“Whatever, get out of my way.” He actually pushes me away. Walking away he looks back at me glaring with such hatred I don't know what to do. He then comes back and walks beside me.

“You’re such a dork. Stuttering Stanly, teachers pet.” I just ignore him and continue walking. He tries to trip me, but I act like I don’t see his foot and stomp on it really hard. He walks ahead leaving me alone. At lunch he's talking about me, and about how such of an idiot I am. Ciara carters agreeing with him and talking loud enough so that the whole café can hear them. A few kids actually stop by and tell them to shut up, that I never did anything to them. That I also was nice unlike them who thought they were all that and a bag of chips.

In history class I get the answer to a question right and Sean pipes up with “ya, and? Thanks for stating the obvious!” I just ignore him. He hangs around Ciara, so he thinks he's better than everyone else. I’m not making it up its true. He has that air about him that says I’m better than you, so deal with it.

Well, I am tired, so I will keep you all posted what happens next week. I will write what happens next week. You know what the deal is, I will write later.

Over the wall. a short story.

Over the Wall

I lay on my stomach in my garden, watching some butterflies flit about among the flowers. Legs swinging up in the air, face cupped in slim-fingered hands, I diligently followed the creatures’ every move with my eyes.

A bird suddenly squawked from above, scaring away the timid creatures. I sighed as my sole source of entertainment flew off. I flipped over onto my stomach and stared up at the blue sky. “This is such a boring day,” I thought out loud.

Just then, as if in response to my proclamation, a basketball came flying over the wall to land smack dab on my face. “Ow!” I sat up abruptly, rubbing my (figuratively) smushed nose. “That was totally unnecessary!”

I thought I heard a faintly male snicker from next door. Scowling angrily, I walked to where the unlikely missile lay innocently on the lawn. “Stupid neighbours,” I muttered, turning the ball over in my hands.

It wasn’t really all that remarkable in the first place. Except for the fact that it was covered in random scrawls and scribbles in just about every colour of the rainbow. If I were like cousin Louis, I would have given a low whistle. My new neighbour, who had moved in a week ago, had mean aim and got crazy with Crayola markers. Life could not get any weirder.

Suddenly, I noticed a yellow Post-It note stuck to the side. Hi.

Feeling quite a bit curious, I dug around in my endless Bermuda pockets and surfaced with a blue pen. I scribbled a reply quickly under the greeting. Hello. Is this some sort of game? Ever practical, I had chosen not to beat around the bush. I tossed the ball back over the wall.

Moments later, it came sailing back in all its colourful glory. This time I was ready and caught it in both hands. Yes. Now we have to make up pseudonyms.

I was puzzled. Pseudonyms? Like nicknames? Why? I tossed the ball back. There was a slight pause, then some scratchy sounds, like a marker running out of ink, and the ball was thrown back. The words were a bit faded, but I could still make them out.

So that we don’t know whom the other person is. That way, it’ll be even more fun.

I was wrong. The day just got weirder. Um, okay… So what’s your nickname-thingy?

Another pause. Thingy?

I blushed and hurriedly scribbled an indignant reply. Hey, thingy is a nice word.

Whatever. My “nickname-thingy” is Davy Crockett.

He was still mocking me (I knew it was a he because of the “Davy”), but I let it slide as I was now holding back fits of laughter. As in the Disney character?

I could just imagine my mystery neighbour’s face turning a deep beetroot red. You watch Disney? How old are you? I laughed at his weak attempt to change the subject but humoured him nonetheless.

Thirteen in two weeks. And you?

I nearly choked on thin air when I read his next note. One hundred and eight. No way. That voice she had heard couldn’t have been older than fourteen.

No seriously, how old are you?

Thirteen. In 1 week.

I gasped, outraged. That is so unfair.

Too bad. What about your pseudonym?

I thought for a while before writing down her answer. I’ve always liked Anastasia. Besides, it would be nice to keep the Disney theme going sine it kept the theme alive, don’t you think?

I could read the smile in his reply. I raised my eyebrow at that last part. Bias and haughty language. Anastasia it is. I assume that you’re a girl? Cause if not, I’d seriously like to end this correspondence.

Homophobe, much?

He chose to avoid the question. Well, are you?

Yes, I’m a girl. You’re a guy, right? Do you go to Weston Middle? I was careful not to use the term “boy”. The masculine half of humanity was quite touchy about things like that. I’d learned that from cousin Louis too.

Yes, I’m a guy. But I’m not allowed to tell you if I go to Weston Middle.

I was bemused. Why not?

Because that’s part of the rules. You’re not allowed to tell or ask each other specific details that can lead to finding out who you are or who I am.

I pondered this new bit of information a little before coming to a quick realisation. But that’s not fair! Now you know that I go to Weston Middle!

Actually I didn’t. Until you told me, that is.

That is so unfair.

Find me the verse that ever said life was fair.

My eyes narrowed. You got that from a book, didn’t you?

The surprise was evident in his words. How’d you know?

I smirked. One up for Anna. I didn’t. Until you told me, that is.

There was a grudging concede of defeat in the next one. Clever. However, there was something different. Different being that it was written on a new piece of notepaper. Childishly, I decided to argue about it.

Hey, what happened to the other Post-It?

I kept it. Why?

I want it.

Well, you can’t have it.

Why not?

Because I have it.

Why can’t I have it?

Duh, because I have it.

I flushed but ploughed on anyways. Now it was more of a matter of pride than an act of childishness. I simply refused to let him win. Why makes you think you can keep it?

What makes you think you can keep it?

Because I wrote the last sentence. Man, that sounded lame even to me.

Well, the paper belongs to me, and that definitely cancels out your weak claim to ownership, don’t you think?

Great, now I was stuck. Still, it hurts to lose to a boy who goes by a name as silly as “Davy Crockett”, no less. So I satisfied myself with a one-word answer. Fine.

Fine what?

I could just imagine the amusement dancing in his…some colour or other eyes. What colour are your eyes?

B. Invalid question. Fine what?

This guy was good, unlike my (terrible) luck. I decided to try the innocent approach. Whatever do you mean?

I mean, “Fine, you win”.

The guy wasn’t as good as I thought. He had practically dug his own grave with that one. I do? Wow, that’s so kind of you, Mr Crockett.

You do not. And don’t call me Mr Crockett. It makes me feel old.

It does?

Y. Stop changing the subject!

You sound quite distressed, Mr Davy.

I do not. And cut it out with the Mr stuff already.

I giggled behind my hand. Whyever should I?

Because I said so.

I raised an eyebrow. Did you now?

Yes, I did.

I don’t quite recall such a thing ever happening, Davy.

Well, I do.

You must be hallucinating, dear. Anastasia pats poor delusional Davy on the hand, smiling fondly like the kind girl that she is.

Davy quells the urge to slap the silly Anastasia senseless. You, Anastasia, are quite mad.

Am I now?

Yes, you are.

By whose royal decree?

Mine.

And who would you happen to be?

Da. Davy Crockett.

I smiled to myself. Poor boy’s slipping up. By now, he’s entirely forgotten what he was trying to get me to do. You’re slipping up, Davy. A whole two characters. Tsk tsk.

Shut up.

Thoroughly amused, I passed the ball back without writing anything.

Why didn’t you write anything?

Anastasia raises her eyebrow. You told me to shut up.

Davy folds his arms across his chest. Since when do you listen to what I tell you to do.

Since it suits me to.

Fine. So say it.

It’s official. I do not have the luck of the Irish. Say what?

Say that I win.

Well, aren’t you the narcissistic one?

…What’s narcissistic?

I beamed. Ha! Take that for hoity-toity words. Don’t you know what it means? After all, you’re practically the embodiment of narcissism.

I am not. Whatever narcissism is.

I decided to be generous for once and caved. It means self-absorbed. There’s a legend behind it too. You wanna hear it?

… Yes.

Once upon a time, there was a very handsome god called Narcissus, who was very vain. The goddess Aphrodite decided to punish him and made him fall in love with himself. In my opinion, there wasn’t much progress made.

Davy grins broadly. You think I’m a god?

I flushed from equal amounts of anger and embarrassment. No, I think you’re stupid.

Well, that’s a bummer.

Really?

No. Let’s exchange numbers.

Isn’t that against the rules?

You wanna play ball during rainy days?

Guess not. But only for text messaging.

Whatever. Mine’s 555-0925.

Mine’s 555-6078. I had just sent the ball over the wall when the kitchen door flung open. My mother stood upon the threshold, armed with apron and wielding a spatula. “Ann!” she called loudly, without an ounce of discretion.

My mind had just started working out the full implications of my mother’s loud announcement when the vandalised ball landed in front of me.

I heard that. And FYI, I do win, whether you admit it or not.

Just to spite him, I tucked the notepaper into my pocket and threw the ball back before going into the house to rescue my hapless mother from her cooking disasters, feeling very pleased with myself.

I can explain Santa. a short naughty letter to Santa clause.

his is a letter to santa. was this kid good this year? lets find out... please comment!
Dear Santa,
I can explain!
My dad was supposed to be hit by the hammer, not the dog, so tin a way it was an accident and not my fault. Secondly, I really need that gun! Not to hold for ransom :Chuckles nervously: Oh no! Its for, um, justice, yeah, justice.
So , here's my list:
4 nuclear bombs
1 gun
5 tanks
30 separate ropes
and that is it Santa! Please bring these and not those hungry-hungry-hippos like last time. I dislike them.
With lots of hope,
5-year-old Timmy Jones

10 facts you didn't wonna know!

Many people are unaware of the most disgusting things that affects our every day life. You'd never realize how much you interact with gross things on a day to day basis. Some may affect your daily routine, while others are just fun to read! It's quite funny how these things don't bother us until we know the truth behind them. Everything changes once you are aware of something. Ah, ignorance is bliss. This article may not be appropriate for young children, read with caution.
1. Ever have a craving for a peanut butter sandwich? That thick, yummy, and creamy goodness. In one pound of peanut butter, it typically can contain up to 150 bug fragments and 5 rodent hairs.
2. House flies go to the bathroom roughly every 4.5 minutes. Think about that next time you see one fly on your delicious dinner.
3. Step outside and smell the roses. On a daily average you will inhale 1 liter of others anal gasses.
4. In the mood for fast food? An average person will consume 12 pubic hairs in their fast food annually. Gross!
5. It's summer time, and that means the pools are open! If you swim one hour in a public pool you will intake 1/12 liters of urine.
6. Creepy crawling cockroaches. As if they aren't disgusting looking enough. These insects carry over 40 different pathogens which risk being transferred to humans. Included is pneumonia, plague, hepatitis, and typhoid fever just to name a few.
7. Need to use the bathroom? When a person pees, a small deposit of urine enters the mouth through the saliva glands.
8. Need that morning jump? Next time you go out to the coffee shop think about this, diarrhea induced E.Coli was found on 10% of coffee mugs in the U.S.
9. Enjoy a nice cup of yogurt? You might want to double check the ingredients again. Some yogurts and jelly sweets contain beef or pork gelatin.
10. Think you've got it bad when you vomit? The longest recorded projectile vomiting is 27 feet. I wonder what he ate.
11. We all like a man who gives a nice firm hand shake. However, you might want to think twice before returning the firm grip. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and did not wash their hands.

the dummie way to get rid of headaches.

How to Get Rid of Headaches
This is a fun little read. Created out of boredom and mostly stupidity. Referenced jokes may occur. Laugh with caution.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tired of headaches? Always complaining to everyone you know about them? Are people avoiding you, because you are unsure of yourself? Throw all that stuff aside, inside, or at someone's face, and use "Robert Kingett's quick, easy, and slightly harmful method" to losing those ‘gosh darn’ headaches!
[Robert Kingett’s quick, easy, and slightly harmful method should be used by no one, under no circumstances, whatsoever. Side effects include, but are not limited to: colon cancer, nausea, severe nose spasms, SPINAL TAP, a brain tu-mah, your brain turning into jelly (without the peanut butter), loss of a pinky finger, "Bluuud!', "Thas' no funny!", growth of third wenis, and, or, the ability to kill a yak from 200 yards away with mind bullets. You should not try the method if you are pregnant, think you are pregnant, or are unsure of yourself. Don't ask a professional doctor because he won't know Jack-Squat of what you're talking about. ] *1

---

Let's Begin!
Step 1: Lose Friends
-I know it sounds horrible but it is sure to work. Friends, more than once, make you go insane, by their abilities to confuse you in a state of panda-monium. Yes, some of them are good, so keep those special few. Although, the others! They make your brain hurt! If so, then drop them into the abyss from whence they came. *2
[EXCEPTION: Robert Kingett DOES NOT, EVER, FALL INTO THE ABYSS CATEGORY]
Step 2: Move to a Tropical Island
-You can't go wrong with a tropical island with no inhabitants but your lonesome. There is absolutely no way you can get a headache, if you are lying on the beach, with the crystal blue waves at your feet. Its more like tropical therapy of the soothing nature. But just watch out for those venomous animals that seem to only live on your island! And they are attracted to lonesomes who are unsure of themselves. Especially your panda!
Step 3: Relax. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
-Follow "word-a-word". Although your panda may to what he/she pleases.

---

FOOTNOTES:
*1 - If you use the method, even though it does implicate you NOT to use it, no repercussions of the method may be used to bring uprising in Soviet Russia. In Soviet Russia, governments coup you!!
*2 - Sharp, body-piercing rocks at bottom of abyss: not included.

---

Referenced jokes:
- Spinal Tap: The Movie
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Weird You-Tube Videos
- Tenacious D
- Soviet Russia
(I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING I HAVE TALKED ABOUT OR DO PROFIT FROM SUCH FORWITHED. NONETHELESS, I DO NOT CONSIDER PROFITING FROM LAUGHTER, AND IF SUCH businesses, companies, organizations, bands, funny television shows, major corporations, the government, or Soviet Russia CONSIDER THOSE ACTIONS TO BE PROFITABLE, YOU CANNOT LAUGH WHEN READING THIS METHOD. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NON-LAUGHING DAY.)

FSDB beat box part 1 repost.

At our school lots and lots of things happen, and this is no exception. When we were on a trolley outside taking a tour of the city we had to stop for a long period of time. So we decided to have a little rapping game. People were actually loving us. As people passed by they heard us rapping and that soon drew a huge crowd. The file is below. Enjoy!

Click here to download the audio file or look below to play the video.

Google's headache, A review of Google chrome, an accessibility review.

What's up with all these new web browsers? Do we honestly need so many? I don’t even get why some people I know but won’t mention have like 6 different browsers on their computers. It sickens me so much I just want to eat pizza with gushers on top of it.

Well with that tiny rant out of the way, let me dwell on this topic for a while. I want to talk about new internet browsers out there. The one I want to talk about is the newest one provided by a company that we all know and wish we could steal from. Google.

I personally love Google like I love my own ego. It's accessibility accommodations over the past few years with almost everything it makes is to be honest the only thing that makes me come back to this service. I especially love Gmail and blogger. But it seems that Google has just locked accessibility accommodations into a cell with no food and water for it to grow, and toss away the key. The newest creation by Google is a web browser, and this new browser is called Google chrome. I wonder what the chrome is for, because this piece of bad cheese is definitely not chrome material. It's more like a cole black in my book, because that's how it operates.

The installation isn’t even accessible. I had to use windows magnifier to even install the thing and that irked my tidy mind so much I actually had to take breaks during the installation. My screen reader which is jaws 9.0 was not even reading anything in the edit boxes or whatever those things are called in the setup files. I was hateing this task already. It does not come in a portable version so I actually had to add this piece of crap to my registry, which I truly did not like.

After I got the thing installed I was so happy I wanted to race outside in my underpants. Running the application and using it however was a different fairy tale all together.

Have you ever tied an animal to the top of a car and drove off with the poor animal crying for help? Neither have I, but I have seen it on TV though and in a morbid sense it is the funniest thing that you will ever see. That's what using this browser is like if you are blind and using a screen reader. When you first open up the application it doesn’t even say the title of the window. Literally. Nothing is spoken. It doesn’t even say anything that even resembles anything helpful. To be blunt, it doesn’t say anything at all. Your screen reader will either say blank, blank, edit, nothing, or just nothing at all. The browser is fast, but what good is it if you can't even use it. If you are totally blind you might as well uninstall it right now, because it is useless to you

Otherwise if you do have some site you should celebrate by skipping down the street shouting in your sisters underpants! You have the upper hands against all those blindies out there! Feeling good right about now? Well you better stop, because there are downsides to this also.

Even without the use of a screen reader the application is the definition of a headache. If you like high contrast such as I do then you will not like this browser, because it doesn’t even support high contrast. I have tried using zoom text with this ting, and it made me actually want to clean the toilet with a toothbrush. The application doesn’t even look nice to the impaired eye. Things look so scrunched up they look like the inside of my bedroom closet. Things are cluttered all in one area and some settings and functions are in completely strange places. Like why would you have the option to put the bookmarks at the bottom?

Another thing that is great in theory but is horrible in practice is the moving tabs. Don’t want to have to keep one thing in one place? Want to get even more confused and have the computer crash on you all at once? Then this is the perfect browser to do it with! Like president bushes no child left behind act this idea stinks when it is actually used in action, but it sounds so wicked reading about it. When I tried to move the tabs my computer would get the blue screen of death. I am not sure if this is because of my display driver or what, but after that I just uninstalled the darn thing.

I do have one thing, and I mean literally one thing positive to say though. It's fast, it's even faster than Mozilla and safari. It even loads MySpace pages in about three seconds or more with flash animations on. The menus are just like any other, and that's about all I can say about this little toy, because after using it 6 minutes I closed it and it didn’t even open back up again. I didn’t want to continue playing around with it anyway.

The bottom line.

What in the hell was Google thinking? This new web browser is the new definition od crap. Speed wise it's excellent, but let me just warn you now that's all that You’re going to get out of this jun pile. Accessibility wise there's only one word I can say here that would fi perfectly… nonexistent! If you have a disability don’t even bother looking at this new tool out there on the net. It will make you cry, it will make you scream, and it will evenmake you kiss your dead frog it's so bad. I also forgot to mention that this is a full release of the prodyct. Dear god. Talk about being released way too early!

In the near future Google has rgus gyfe idea to load it on every mew computers coming out in the near future. I sugest getting rid of this virus and sticking with Mozilla firefox. It's cuter. Google chrome is off to a bad start, and to be honest I don’t have any hopes for it to get any better in the near future. You as a reader shoud do all you can to prevent people from getting this virus, and sticking with something that works and people can use. This gets a zero out of 5, because I can't even give it a one. It's not that good.

new complications.

hi all. this is gonna be a summery of the 2 weeks in the dorm, and what it was like for me. hope you all enjoy!

 

Monday, February 23, 2009

Hi all, I guess I shall be going soon, mainly because I have to go to a new class soon. I will write in here later, I guarantee it.

11:23:02 AM

Nothing new is going on. I will be back later though, since I have lots of stuff to talk about.

2:32:24 PM

Interesting I must say, I am in adult living at the moment, and this is actually an important topic. Our teacher Mr. colbreath is asking us about jobs. No huge shock.

3:11:12 PM

Have you ever thought about faith? Me either. I am writing in this journal a tiny bit before we have to go, did I mention I have Ciara in my class? That is so cool! As for homework, I have math, and that’s all. Well, I will talk to you later, because I am going to log off now. I will continue this journal later.

4:51:49 PM

Well, I am all done with my math. Who knew that I would be done so fast? I like typing on this laptop better by the way because I can see the keys. I do however; have to press a little bit harder on the keys I don’t get any internet either by the way.

2/23/2009 5:22 PM

I just got done setting the table! Yay! I am so proud of myself! I didn’t think that I could do that! Oh my god! That is the best thing I could ever… well, do in a days work! Ok, I’m exaggerating a bit, but who doesn’t. God, not having any music is killing me. After dinner though I will do some serious writing, since I do have free time tonight. I don’t however, like what just happened in the kitchen. Joe just asked me if I would be so kind as to set up the table. All I said was um, and Mr. Evan pounces on me like some rabid bear.

“I don’t think that was a question. You better do it now anyway because you are going to be doing this yourself soon.” I didn’t even say a word after that, I just walked over to Joe and helped set the table. Sigh, at least he will keep me on my toes. Despite all that has happened I like it here. Tomorrow I will be cleaning the bath rooms, which should be fun. That was said sarcastically. Well, other than that I am seeing our new dorm parent being shown in a new light, like when I helped him out with the groceries, and unloading them and all. He was already rushing me, so that didn’t help the situation.

“Let’s go! We have a deadline to meet! This is good practice for when you get older by the way, you will sometime somehow need to go shopping on a deadline soon. Let’s go! Pick it up!” I meanwhile, was trying to look for a handle of a bag to pick up.

“Robert!” he yells at me. “This isn’t rocket science! Get a bag, and hand it over to me!”

“Fine.” I think nastily, and I just grab a bag at random, and give it to him. What I did not notice however, was that it was upside down. When he grabbed it, all the stuff flew out.

“Robert! You got to grab the handles!” he speaks the word handles like I am retarded or something, and I don't know what I am doing. Actually I was doing pretty well, that was the first time I did it. The other time the bag just broke on me, but he didn’t see that, and I didn’t wonna argue with him.

“That’s the second time you did this!” he gives some huge sigh as if this is causing him serious psychological harm, I just look at him not saying a word.

“When you grab a bag you are supposed to grab the handles. Ok?” he makes a little impatient weird huff, then says

“We’ll work on it.” He says to me utterly exasperated. I don’t respond at all as we get in the van, and drive back to school. When we get there, I walk past him carrying bags into the dorm, and setting them on the table, not looking at anyone. The people there talked like I didn’t even exist anyway. They were never ever mean to me though, and that’s fine with me. I like solitude, but the sad thing is…. I like it a little too much. As I kept passing Mr. Evan, I averted my eyes all the time, and didn’t even say good night after the putting away all the groceries. I just walked into my room, put my headphones on, and went into the land of books, of stories and tales, of fictional laughter and sadness, of plot points. I went to my true home, and happy place. Not long after that, I fell asleep with a smile on my worried face.

2/23/2009 6:53 PM

Well, I am all done with dinner. I never thought I would have this much free time. Oh, Mrs. Brannon didn’t tell me that this computer does not have a battery. The thing will not charge, and I mean at all. I have to keep it plugged in if I want to use it. Why don’t I just have some desktop computer?

I am actually proud of myself! I didn’t get in trouble yet! I've gotten scolded though, and yelled at, but I didn’t get in trouble yet. That’s something small all on its own actually, because I don’t get in trouble a lot. I am actually a good student, and kid, I just do stupid things. Then again, we all do. That’s just the fact of life. Well, I think I will write in my book now. I will write in here later. I guarantee it. I will be getting my shower at 8 PM by the way. It's 7 now, so I have an hour to go. This is so soothing. I, writing like this. I couldn’t do this at the other house because Ginny would always and I mean always want to do something with me even when I didn’t want to do something with her. Why didn’t she see that? I also think the fact of having no internet helps me as well. Well, I will write later. Tomorrow I am going to go to drama club. That should be interesting, because there are only 6 kids in there. Wish me luck. Oh, and I also hate shop by the way. Don’t ever in the whole wide world take it. It's bad for the wood.

2/23/2009 7:31 PM

I don't know why, but I am having that feeling you get when you are being watched. I keep looking over my shoulder but no one else is there. Am I being nuts? I think I am. I don't know. It kind of stinks that this thing doesn’t even hold a charge though. I am listening to music as I type this. It kind of is like talking to someone deep and caring this journal is. I have nothing to talk about at the moment however. I am just writing for the hell of it. You know what? What actually defines paranoia? Fear, worries? Are they the same? I’m going on a rant. I should stop now. With no internet though I have nothing to tell about. Tomorrow though, I will tell about the drama club and also my duties or Chores. That should be interesting. Well, I will write later because now I am going to get in the shower. I will be back later

Nah, I will get a shower at 8 that should suit me just fine. If I had history homework I would be doing that. Tomorrow I will though. That I can guarantee with all my heart.

I guess I didn’t give any updates about my mom. She's still looking for me, and she’s still wanting to get my check back in her name. Why though? Why would she want to? Couldn’t she just get her friends to pay the attorney? I don't know if this is just some way of trying to pay me back, or if she has some other plans in mind. She can’t get me here though. I’m safe. I know that she won’t be able to get on this campus without being checked, searched, and who knows what else. I want to write a memoir about the times I had with her, but I don't know where even to begin. Do I start off at my granddads death? Do I start off after that? I don't know. I seriously need to stop procrastinating and get in the shower. I will do that now. Bye, as always, I will write in here later. You know I will.

9:38:02 PM

You know that feeling you get when nothing ever goes your way? That is the way I feel now. I just tried to get internet on this thing, and it still didn’t work, and I have been all over this apartment. and no luck. Oh well, I guess I will just have to just try and get internet on the other computer. I’m out of here for the night. I will write again tomorrow if I can. We will just have to wait and see.

9:54:34 PM

Ha, ha. Ha! Thought I left didn’t you? Well, I did, but I am back. This time I honestly am going to go now. I will write in here later. I don’t think I can write in here tomorrow since I will be so busy, but I will try. I do have a study guide coming up though. Woo hoo! Guess what subject it's in… take a wild guess… still can’t get it? Ok, it's Mrs. Stephens! God. She gives homework like my neighbor gives out lice. Anyway, I want to go to bed early, so I will stop writing now. Have a good night. I know I won’t... can you guess why that is? Let me give you a hint. Cold weather.

2/24/2009 11:13 ARE

I am in history class at the moment, and I am stuck on a question. Damn and I lost my ID to get in the dorm! Arg! Mr. Evan is going to kill me, since I just got the thing yesterday. Oh god, I’m hungry. I got to go pack up anyway. The bell is about to ring.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Well, I am just sitting here on a Wednesday night doing my study guide. Why in the world she has us do these things anyway is so beyond me. She did just give us a chapter review after all. So why in the world would she want to give us more stuff on top of stuff? I know studying is important and all but I do not get how, or even why she gave us a study guide.

I just got done doing the history study guide. Dear god, I didn’t know you could have 3 migraines at the same time. I don’t have time to write in here now, but I will write letter. I seem to be writing that now then actually doing long journal entries. I guess I will save those for the weekends, and even that is stretching it thin because I don't know if I will even have homework. Sigh. Why me?

Did I mention I hate shop? Let me just make that clear. I, hate, shop. If that wasn’t clear enough I don't know what will be. Me + wood = a disaster on legs and with a saw. Today, I had to cut something, and I couldn’t stand up straight. I had to remain bent over to make sure the saw stayed aligned, and with my scoliosis that was just hell, but I didn’t complain however. I just dealt with it. I didn’t want to seem week, so that’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone about my back pains. I also figured out today that I can’t even cut in a straight line. I even was cutting upside down for a while after I put the board in the holder the wrong way after nailing a screw into the board instead of the long thin markers he uses. Mr. Smith, a cheery old black man laughed as I tried to figure out how to put the wood in the holder. He walks over and helps me do it the right way. He didn’t, and still doesn’t know who I am, since he has never had me in his class before. I am sure that he has heard of me, and seen my work with the school paper and all, but he has never had a chance to actually observe me in action. In shop class, for once I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know what to do half the time, and when I do I can’t even do it. He possibly thinks I am an idiot. He does think I am funny though. After I make some smart remark he chuckles as though this is the funniest thing he has ever heard, whatever the joke happens to be. I also think he has come to the same conclusion I have, that I should be removed from shop. Who am I kidding? There are no other open classes available, and I came in at the middle of the year anyway. That’s 2 huge issues right there. In shop this kid named Corey just bursts out laughing after I drop the saw for about the 7^th time. He roars as he yells at me.

“What? Again? You know shop isn’t something you can learn from a book!” my back hurts, and my feet hurt, and I can’t shift my weight. I don’t need emotional pain as well. After he says this he laughs loud and hard, and he looks around at all the other class mates one at a time to see if they were laughing. A new girl named Anna who was short, a black quiet kid named Milton who was at least 6 foot 7 and in the 10^th grade, and a Hispanic named José. They all stop what they are doing and glare at him. I am still trying to bend over and keep my board on its rest, but my strength leaves me, and my whole station collapses as I fall to the floor.

“Ha! Now I know why Ciara carter doesn’t like him! What a dweeb!” I hang my head in sadness.

“Hey stuttering Stanley…” he falters mid word. I look up to see Anna standing right in front of his face. Her red hair like fire in this kind of lighting. Milton is punching his fists looking at Corey, and José is just staring at him. His back is to me, so I don't know what he is doing, but Corey looks terrified. Anna steps up inches from his face, leans in close to his round face and body, and says 3 simple words.

“Go to hell.” With that, she walks over to me and helps me up along with my things, and I can’t help but notice that she is extremely pretty with high cheek bones, and glowing skin, and wide eyes. I don't know what color they are though. Her voice is like a mother as she talks to me.

“You ok?” all I can do is nod, so I do. She smiles at me, and then whorls back to him, Corey.

“By the way. That slut is just jealous. She can go to hell too!” she spits on correys feet, and walks over to me, and helps me saw. Corey is looking dumbstruck the whole time.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Mrs. Fonda read your essay in English, the one about you spending the whole day with yourself. That was great! I loved it. I never see you around. You new here?” I try and speak, but I can’t get what I want to say out. She cuts me off, and speaks loud so the whole world can hear her thoughts.

“Don’t mind Ciara and her group. Jealousy sparks many events and moods. I know you’re not new, because everyone knew who you were. The teachers love u. and I think your articles in the paper are very creative and funny.”

“Thanks a lot. No, I’m not new here. I am returning.” I could hear Corey mimicking my stutter, Anna goes over to him, taps him on the shoulder as if she wants to know something that only he can give. When he does turn, she steps on his foot. She returns.

“Sorry what were you saying?”

“I’ve been here a while, but shops not my thing.”

“So you would rather be doing book work.” That wasn’t meant to be a question.

“Yaw, you know me too well.”

“I would love to see what you come up with this time in the paper. That would be great. I always look forward to reading something, anything that you make because your work brings a smile to my lips even when I am pissed at the whole world. What kind of career you want to go into?”

“I want to be an author of some kind.” She gives me this huge smile.

“That would be a good idea. The world needs laughter, even if it's just with words, your work is hilarious. I think you would be good at it. You should get yourself published.”

I can’t help but smile, and as I do the bell rings. Anna slings her backpack over her shoulder after getting it at the door with me.

“Nice meeting you, kind of. Keep writing articles in the newspaper ok? I need something to look forward to and make me smile.” she shakes my hand, and she departs. Ciara carter comes up to me, and she looks from Anna to me, then back to Anna once more as her and I went down the steps.

“ew.” Is all she says as I pass? I stop to look at her. Her face is round, and it looks like some fat persons face, but she's actually quite skinny with blonde hair.

“Stairs go up or down, take your damn pick.” I don't know what came over me at that moment, but I didn’t feel like myself. I wanted to sock her in the jaw, but I held myself back. Instead, I said.

“Shut up fatty.” The whole place goes dead quiet, people stop on the stairs and look at me in utter shock.

“Hey fatty, did you get fake boobs, or were those surgically implanted?” the stairwell cracks up. What I said was completely idiotic and dumb, but I felt like she needed to be punched.

“Hey Ciara, I have a question. Do you slide across the goal ball court or do you role. Which do you prefer?” her face is in total shock, and tears are going down her face, but I didn’t stop.

“No answer, that’s ok. It must be hard to work all those muscles huh? What if I waved a kit Kat bar in front of your face? would that help you make some smart ass rude remark?” she's actually crying now.

“Stop! Leave me alone!”

“Why do you want to be left alone? You want to go suck face with a snicker? Oh good idea. Make sure you stuff yourself good now, because that goal ball needs some sort of rolling competition.” The stairwell laughs and laughs and laughs. Ciara actually sinks to the floor, but I grab her.

“Hey, guess what? That snickers is calling. You better go catch it, since you can’t catch good grades even.” That stops her dead cold, she actually swings at me, but I duck, and she trips. She gets back up and stands against the wall and railing.

“Who told you!” she cries trying to stop the tears.

“A Twinkie did, after all, you and him know each other very well.” She screams, but the kids just laugh even harder.

“You nerd! You jerk!” she cries. I grab her by the shirt and lift her up against the wall, then in a deep voice I say.

“This is payback… bitch. Stop being mean to me, or I will do a lot worse. You think your failing now? Want to see you fail even more? Keep at me. Oh and here’s something you should have learned about in biology class.” And spit in her face. Shoving her to the wall, I say in the nastiest voice I can muster

“I can help you know. What’s a matter, you too good to study?” she's crying now, and not even responding to me. I turn slowly, and walk down the steps. About half way down, I turn and flip the bird at her. The place goes absolutely nuts. With cheers, and whistles following me all the way down, I pass Anna at the bottom. She is smiling from ear to ear. Walking slowly into the bright sun, I do one simple action. With the kids who Ciara teased so many times over the years, with the kids that she shoved, pushed around, told lies about, and who bullied all yelling my name and whistling after me, I raise my arms to the heavens as the glass doors slowly shut behind me dwindling the astonishing cheers.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

You know when people say that fate controls life? I don’t believe in that at all, I don't know why I am even talking about faith since I am not religious. I guess I can still have faith though can I?

For lack of anything better to talk about I guess I will talk about my weekend. I hated it. Ginny was more intimate than ever. Why on Friday she actually tried to make me lay in her lap. Ugh. I feel sick. I want to puke. My insides are convulsing at the mere thought of doing such a heinous act. I seriously do want to throw up. On Friday we were sitting on the couch and I was moaning, and Ginny just grabs my hand and head and starts to lower them to her lap. Sick, and just terrified I jumped up, and accidently on purpose stepped on her foot.

“Come sit here.” She wined. She's good at that you know, wining. It didn’t work on me though. It never does anymore. It just made me angrier. Because I didn’t have anything better to say I snapped at her. My voice like a machine gun, and each bullet was hitting its mark.

“I’m telling Ciara.” It was so sharp and so angry she didn’t even protest for like about 6 seconds. She just stared at me. Her head didn’t move an inch, and she didn’t even make a sound. I guessed she had her mouth open. She got so mad she tried to punch me, and then screamed in my face.

“You tell her everything! You keep secrets from me, Evan keeps secrets from me. Why don’t I just stay in my room?” it wouldn’t be a bad change I thought. I was mad, and I didn’t mind being nasty.

“You’re cheap!” I spit back at her fire in my tone of voice. Almost instantly she starts crying, but I am standing in front of her so she can’t move.

“You’re no better than… well, I can’t think of anyone, but you’re very cheap you know that? Let me tell you something. I will never be yours! Go chase after josh why you don’t, and stop it about me. Go on, call josh. I don’t want you obsessed with me!” my temper was growing, but I sat down and just huffed silently as Ginny cried beside me not looking at me at all. I also then decided to mock her.

“I would kiss it and make it feel better!” I was referring to a point earlier on in the afternoon when Ginny had hit my hand, and then she made that comment. Doesn't she get that I love Ciara? I don’t think she does. I honestly don’t. Maybe she does and I am just too mad to even think straight. It's a Sunday now and I so cannot wait to see Ciara. Ginny just makes me so mad and so upset sometimes I don't know even how or what to say to make my anger go away. I don't know even what to think of her anymore. Now, to be honest with you, all she is to me is an annoyance. Well, most of the time. I’m just sick of the fact that she loves me. I want to shake her and yell in her face to leave me alone. I am also angry that she is doing this to Ciara. The hardest part about this whole thing is her reactions after I tell her things like this. I don't know if this is true, but I think she thinks I like it. I don’t. I hate it, but Ciara can’t help but be suspicious. The hardest part is finding the right words to tell her that I tried to stop it. It hurts me so much to hear the tiny accusation in her voice after I tell her about this stuff. She doesn’t know how much I despise Ginny actually… well, now I do. I’m so mad at her I can’t even gather my thoughts together. It's all just one huge mess. Why does she do this? To get Ciara mad at me. That’s another thing, how do I tell Ciara that I don’t want to do these things Ginny wants, how do I tell her that I do try and fight back, how do I show her that my heart has not strayed from her love and her. How can I send her a message telling her that I am still true to her? I don't know. I kind of don’t want to tell her because I can’t handle the accusation. Even though she hides it, I know it's there. I don't know what I should do. Should I tell Mrs. Debbie? Ginny was going too far, and no one was home to stop it. I stopped it because I made her cry, but that doesn’t phase her. As she was crying she was yelling at me about how I’m doing this on purpose, and that I want to see her cry. Well duh. I want to make her just stop messing with me likes that. How do I do that?

I’ve got to stop talking about it. It's making me sick. We just moved into the new house today. Guess what? It's close to the library! Now I am near 2 homes now. Neat huh? At least it will be an escape from Ginny for a while if and when I need it. Ok I can’t think tonight. What I need to do is hop on the train of sleep, and ride it to the last station. Maybe after I do that, I will ride the busses of dreams. That’s what I need. I will do that now. I really need sleep. I need something to vanquish the tirade of my thoughts. God I don’t feel well. I will write in here whenever I can. Bye for now.

Monday, March 02, 2009

I made dinner! I actually made dinner! I couldn’t do it again though that’s for sure. I don’t even remember what I am supposed to do. Mr. Evan is not here, and I was kind of grateful for that. Mrs. Corey helped me out with dinner tonight.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

I am in history class at the moment, and I am so bored out of my mind. I want my book on CD. This small print is killing me. I will try and talk with Mrs. Brannon after this block about getting the telex CD player. Joe is not using his CDs anyway, so why can’t I benefit from them? Sigh. I don't know. I just don’t. I so cannot wait till Friday. And to think it's only Tuesday. Shocking. Well, the drama club is this afternoon, that’s something to look forward to at least. I guess I better get back to slaving over this section 1 review I am doing. I need a miracle. No wait scratch that. I need a million miracles.

Sigh. I am listening to these wonderful discussions about gay people. Woo freaking hoo. I think Kevin's homophobic because he’s freaking out at Shane.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Later.

I honestly don’t have that much time left. I have to go to bed at 10 30. So I got to be quick. I know what I can do for the book. It just may take me some time to get it started. Oh god, I can’t believe that it's only Tuesday today. I want to go home so bad I can’t even put it into words. I am so exhausted I don’t even have enough energy to type tonight. I am literally a dead man walking. I never did say how the cooking experience went. When I was all done making my dinner, I fix everyone s plates and all, and I sit down to eat. After someone serves my food to them and me, they all take one bite of it, then all forks stop, and my entire roommates stop eating for 4 seconds. I did something a little creative with the mac and cheese, but I am not sure if many people like it. I did, so I thought others would also. I put garlic in the mac and cheese. So as I’m watching all these people just not eating I am having the feeling you get when you can’t breathe at all. I start to think that there is something wrong, that I didn’t do something right. I did everything Mrs. Corey told me to do, so what was wrong? Before I can answer forks scrape plates so fast you would have thought someone threw cake on their plates. Grunts of joyous disbelief invaded my ears as I gingerly ate my own creation. The franks and beans were god, but everyone else was raving over my mac and cheese!

“Um, is it good?” I ask afraid that I poisoned them someway. They all look up and chorus “duh. Yeah it is.” Mouths were full though so I couldn’t even hear half of what they said after that. Everyone even got seconds! Well, I got to go or else I will get in trouble. I will write in here later. Do I honestly have to say that?

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Wow. Today is hump day, and I have no homework at all. I didn’t even know that this kind of day would even come. Into my life. I almost got in serious trouble today, and that was with Mr. Evan. I didn’t unload the dish washer right after I got home from school. God for bid I don’t do it right when I walk through the door. I actually didn’t even know I was supposed to do that. Someone could have told me.

“Next time you get a ticket!” his booming voice bounced off the walls as he spoke to me. I had the strange sense that he was yelling at me, but I knew he wasn’t doing anything like that. It sure did sound like scolding to me however. Well, I know how to clean a lot, and I also know how to load a dishwasher now and cook… kind of. I will need to do the cooking multiple times before I remember what I am supposed to do, and what to use. I should record all my meals down as they are being maid, because I don’t think that I will remember what to do next time. I honestly think I did a good job last meal though considering that I have never cooked before. Oh, and before I forget I have to also say something. I got a D on the test. Hey you may think that’s not much of an accomplishment, but I do considering all the elevens and 12’s and the 23’s I was getting all quarter last year. I think that a 66 is definitely an improvement don’t you? I do. My god I’m so tired I can’t even remember the last sentence I made. I made a very creative snack just now though. Has anyone heard of buttered cinnamon toast? That’s a new hit in my department now! I’m so happy about that I can’t even sit still!

I guess now would be a good time to talk about the apartment project. Oh dear god kill me. My roommate and partner is Connie mounts. She has no work ethic and she is leaving me to do all the work. With the budget she didn’t even do anything, just agreed when I was asking her about the budget and what we can afford. I hate this.

Well, that’s all I got to say for now anyway. I am so tired that I am falling asleep just sitting here typing something. Ok. I’m out. Bye all, for now.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

It's almost Friday! I don't know if I ever told you this or not, but I got at 66 percent on the test I took in history today. She wrote my grade in Braille and in print. Why she did that I have no idea. I don't know Braille except for the numbers. Anyway, the grade was a 66 percent. Hey that’s way better than what I was making last year. I was making test scores like 24, 12, 8, 22, and so on and so forth. So I’m happy. Then again though, who cares about the industrial revolution? After Obama leaves, then come talk to me about industrial revolution. I am in my room now after I got all done with my history homework. I have the book on CD at last. Did I mention that? I don't know if I did or not. Tomorrow I will be going on the bus with Ciara. I guess that Anthony would call it a means of transportation or an automobile. Snort. Blah. I want to puke, but I don’t wonna get my sheets all dirty after just washing them ad all. I just have to tell you though about what happened at lunch today before I forget it. You know, you have become my best fried. I think I will call you sea, after the kid who died. Anyway, Ciara just comes ad sits down with Sarah ad I, ad we are all eating and of course Anthony has to march over. My jealously kicks in almost instantly, and because of this I don’t even utter a word to him. I know he has better sight than I do, and I don’t want to let him see my face. I don’t want to let him see my face because my thoughts are plastered upon my face like a wide open book. The words are so clear you could see them half way across the room. He doesn’t need to see whatever look is on my face, because he will just get mad. I don't know why I get so jealous of him. He hasn’t done anything. He did try to though, but he hasn’t actually done anything to me. He basically called me dim-witted to Ciara’s face one time I think that is riotous actually. I find it so anyway. He thinks I am “not too bright.” Well, that’s fine. I won’t convince him otherwise. Doesn’t he think that that perhaps could be a small yet subtle form of manipulation I am doing so that when the time comes I can strike, ad he won’t even be expecting it because he under estimated me? I seriously need to stop getting off topic one of these days. So at the lunch room, he sits down, and machine guns fire straight from someone's lips, but shockingly it's not Anthony.

“We need to talk right this minute.” I don’t hear what he says next but it sounds kind of like

“Ok so what is it you would like to discuss?” that’s another thing! He's so “smooth” ad I am not. He's so graceful and I am not. He even speaks better than I do. I can’t compete with someone like that. Oh, and he has literally done everything. Canoeing, vacations, you name it. Everything and I have not.

“Well Anthony. I have a question for you.” she shoots at him. The bullets strike dead on. I can tell by the way he shockingly asks what it is.

“Do you think I am of higher intelligence than you are?” I am across the table, and Anthony is to my right. He even looks better than I do, with long hair, ad a great voice compared to mine. I despise him so much I don't know even what else I can say about him. You can tell that the question takes him by surprise because he splutters inarticulately. I am just smiling inside my own head oh the other side of the table. Ciars bullets come shooting through the air more even harsher this time.

“Well?” he finally answers, but I dot hear what he says. I deduce about 6 words.

“Well, I just… expect more from you because I know you can give me more.” She grows eve angrier and her voice now like knives lash through the air.

“More what?” she's not shouting. She's just being firm with him. the whole show is pretty hilarious. I try ad look as stupid as I can all the while, just in case Anthony looks my way. I know he does, because his voice floats in different directions in quick bursts.

“In my own defense, no I don’t think you are smarter than me…” he starts spluttering again.

“Well, Anthony I just don’t like it when you just expect so much from me. I like talking with you I honestly do, but I dot like it when you make me feel stupid. Each time I say something like for example… you ask me how your day was and I say fine, and then you say and like I am supposed to say something more. I’m not that interesting Anthony. You have to get used to that!” that’s all the conversation I remember, because I go back into book world far from the 2 bickering people near e. Sarah is not saying anything at all either. I tried to listen again but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even hear what they were talking about now. It was just garbled speech like that oh a bad cell reception. I do remember this one part in the dispute I hear him say something to me. I honestly think I am daydreaming because he would never ask me something like that would he?

“You can help you know?” what was this? He was asking little old me for help on talking to her? I tried to make a vacant face so he would think I am slow.

“I can? Would you like me to give you words of encouragement?” despite my efforts a grin is creeping through the door of my efforts, and is now showing itself to him. I don't know if he looks at me, or knows that I was being sarcastic, but I don’t care. I’m not helping him. If I were in that situation I would actually have the right thing to say. I was thinking of it as Anthony was spluttering like a baboon. That was priceless. A guy who doesn’t think that I am that bright is asking for little old my advice? I’m speechless ad laughing. He's not going to get it. Besides. Why would he want advice from a misery anyway? Just curious is all.

That whole scene at lunch was just something that I will never forget and what Ciara says to me afterwards in computer class.

“Do you know why I love you?” I liked talking to Ciara because eventually the conversations that we had would get so deep that we have to get pulled out by a bull dowser.

“no.” I seriously say.

“Because you don’t make me feel stupid. Anthony does. You always know what to say and when and how to say it. You even know when NOT to say something. You dot make me feel like I have to be my best. I can just be me, and that’s all you see is me. Anthony is attempting…” she gives this huge sigh like this is causing her strain to talk about him. “To make me into something I am not... he doesn’t seen nor accept me for me. Plus I don’t like the fact he called you dim witted either, because your not.”

“In his justification even though I could care less… he didn’t know.” She sighs and laughs at me, but this is a soft laugh. That warms my insides.

“Your so, so, so, so nice! What would I ever do without you?” she sighs again. “With Anthony I have to live up to his standards. I can’t be me. I can be me around you though, because you accept me for who I am. Also you don’t make me feel stupid when talking with me. You talk with and to me, not to me like a kid that has to have edification. You talk with me and to me as if we are equal. And also… I don't know how to explain this… but you’re so open. All other guys I know are like closed doors with a pad lock on them. Their hearts have a chain around them so they can’t be shown to the outside world. Not yours though. Yours is open so everyone can see. You care about people and the people around them. You’re just so nice and you don’t even know it.”

“I’m invidious of him.” I say as if that explained it all.

“I fear that is partially my fault.” I don’t understand what she means at all, and I don’t think I ever will. Why am I so jealous of Anthony? Is it because I somehow someway envy him? Is it because I am being territorial with Ciara? I don’t want to shut her up in a cage, take the key, and toss it under the ocean never to be seen again. I want her to feel like she can explore with me. I want her to feel that she doesn’t have to be in a cage with me. So that’s why I am trying to quash these feelings about Anthony, but they won’t go away. Why? Why won’t they leave, and go tarnish someone's mind? I don't know, and I don’t think I will ever in my life know. I fear that I will soon be so territorial with her that she breaks up with me, and never speaks to me again. I want her to have the freedom to spread her wings and explore the world. I feel like I am taking that away from her by telling her how jealous I am of Anthony. I honestly have to work on that. I don't know when or how or when, but I will soon. Someday.

Later…

Wow. It's late at night, and I have nothing else to do at the moment. Oh, before I forget, I also know how to use a dish washer wow! There. That was something random to throw in the void of my drama tales. I can’t wait to go home tomorrow. I also want to check out the new library near our town. I want to go raid the place as soon as possible. I want to see if they have any books by V C Andrews.

Poor Ciara. She's on her period. She calls it a tirade. I don’t blame her. I talk about deserey and Donald buie a lot with her, because I just feel like I can. She's always is asking how desire is doing.

“I think I would really like her! she gushes. She is not a preppy girl, but she is a girly girl, and she never cusses. Ciara I mean. She is a total christen girl, except when it comes to me that is. “And how is donnal doing?” she continues. I tell her that I have not spoken with him since the day I apologized. Unwrapping my burger I mumble.

“Yeah, he honestly did hurt my feelings you know.” I was still ticked, and now the whole school knows about what I did to him and his friends, and they constantly nagged at me about it. When I hand in my history paper and she asks me why there is no name on the top of my paper, I tell her I don't know that I must have forgotten.

“Why don’t you just lie about it!” someone shouts. The whole place busts out laughing. Loud and hard laughter that cuts through my side.

“Hey bitch! You going to lie about your dick size next?” the class erupts into even more laughter. That was a kid named Sean, one of Ciara carter’s friends and gang. I look around the room and see open mouths anywhere and everywhere.

“Maybe he even lied about his home life!” all the kids chant lire and lire over and over and over again like some never ending Chinese water torture. Things are thrown at me now, and since the teacher is not in the room they just keep on throwing stuff. Books, papers, and even more books. I try and turn to the front of the room, but they won’t stop.

“Ya. His mom should have killed him. That shit is all fake too!” Sean shouts. I slam my fist on the desk.

“I didn’t!” I scream at them, but that just makes them even laugh harder. I’m looking at so many faces that are laughing at me and something just snaps within me. I don't know what

“Donnal should hate you! You bitch! Punk! You deserved what you got! He hates u. he hates you so much he doesn’t want to talk to u. he removed you from his face book.” Why are they doing this? Is this fun for them, to see someone in pain? I am looking now at the one person who is not laughing, but in fact looks so pissed her face is the same color as her hair. It's Anna, and she's mad. She throws her book at Sean, but it misses. I just can’t take it anymore. I run out of the room, and into the bathroom. Once there. I just stand stalk still in the empty room and cry. Tears of overwhelming sadness fill my cheeks as I stand there like a statue making its own man made waterfall. Everything they said was true. He didn’t like me. Actually I think he doesn’t trust me, but he still likes me I think. I don't know even if I should consider him as a friend anymore. How the hell did people at school know anyway? Did he tell them? If he did, then that’s more screwed up then what I did. That’s an all time low. How do they know? I made those journals private so that dez, and Donnie, and Jeff could read them and no one else. I even tested it. So how do they know? I bet Donnie told them. I bet he just couldn’t help but talk about me behind my back. Some friend he was. That’s the only explanation I can think of that they would know, was that he told them, or someone, and that started a chain reaction like fireworks. I still can’t believe what an ass he was to me when I was apologizing. I thought I mattered. I thought that I was a friend to him. I thought that friends were supposed to be open and caring towards each other. I don't know, maybe it's just that he doesn’t trust me. I can understand that, but at least tell me what’s on your mind. That’s almost like lying to me. Ironic huh. I lie to him, and he's hiding from me. He's shut me out, and in his own way, he lied to me. If he's not OK with it why doesn’t he just tell me? Does he think that I am some dim witted child? As I was thinking this to myself. I don’t notice that the door opens. I am to busy trying to ponder about him. Someone walks up behind me, and now that the door is open. I can hear our teacher yelling about the mess. I turn and there stands someone with flaming read long hair. It’s a girl, and it's Anna. I can’t even speak. All I can do is stand there and cry. Her face looks like something I can’t even write about. Its kind and whatever else fits in that category combined with sorrow. Without even saying one word, she just holds her arms out. I sob on her shoulder as she rocks me not even saying a word. Outside, the sun is shining a spotlight directly at the spot where the two of us r… interlocked…

After I calm down I tell her everything, and all she says is.

“Could be because he doesn’t trust you. he doesn’t sound that nice.”

“I’m not either.” I say. She stands up and touches my cheek.

“Does that girl dez like you?”

“No. just as a friend.”

“What a shame. I bet she doesn’t even know what a wonderful person she has in front of her own eyes.”

“Well we are kind of far away from each other.” I say.

“Ah. Shame. If I didn’t have my BF. I would have my man.”

“You don’t want lire.” I say heatedly.

“I know what I want. I like men who are strong enough to show what they are feeling or thinking. You showed me that journal you wrote too, and if Donnie doesn’t want to see how sorry you actually are, then he's not that great of a friend that you are to him. He's also very week. You’re stronger than he is and forever will be. Get me?”

“yeah.” She stands up, and quickly kisses me on the cheek.

“You say Donnies intelligent, but I think differently.”

“He is.” I say. “More intelligent than I am =. That’s what he hides behind though; he hides behind a wall of intellect, and never shows his feelings. You know, intellect is often a sig of issues I think. Donnie has those I know. I care about him though. Hell never knows how much.”

“I know, but that’s his loss. He doesn’t know how much someone cares for him. I don’t think he should know either. He can’t handle it. I don’t think he's intelligent either.” She pats me on the cheek and wipes a stray tear away.

“Wisdom is true intellect.” With that. She turns and leaves me there standing still in god’s warm pleasant spotlight. Realizing suddenly that even though I don’t quite understand what she says now, I do know that it is true. Perception and the heart are true intelligence.

Even later.

I am all done. I’m tired. I will continue this later. Ok? Bye. For now.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

God I just had the worst afternoon in the world. I get in the dorm and I completely forget about the dish washer again! Plus I even think that I forgot to start it this morning. When I get in my room Joe stops me. I am angry already because I have to go do the dish washer. I try to go past him but he stops me cold. He says he whants to charge hiszune, and I tell him no because he can do that later. He gets all mad at me and he makes me charge it. After that whole ordeal it is time for me to cook. I honest to god am like a dead man walking. My brain is off and I am not comprehending anything Mr. Evan is telling me. He even has to kind of shout at me a few times to get me to wake up.

“grab the tablespoon Robert! Grab the table spoon Robert! Which one is the table spoon?” I don't know anything what so ever about cooking so I take a huge guess. I get it right but he's still barking at me like I am doing anything and everything wrong. I do like his teaching method though because he actually makes me do the stuff, which is pretty pointless since he has to tell me everything to do anyway. Throughout the whole dinner making thing I wanted to die. I honestly did. Granted I know how to make mac and cheese now sort of, but I also hate doing things with Evan. Just as the diner is done I suddenly remember something I didn’t do when I was supposed to do so.

“ok, now your going to set the table.” I think to myself angry retorts but I just smile and say ok like I am on complete autopilot or something. I suddenly freak inside because I hear the dish washer sliding open.

“Robert. What's your duty?”

“kitchen in the morning.” I flatly say knowing the end of this game already.

“ok. What do you do in the mornings?” pissed off beyond all belief I answer in the most dreary voice I can muster.

“I wipe off the counter, and I wipe the tables off, and I also do the dish washer.”

“you do the what?” he says loud enough to have the whole apartment in on this little game. I just stand there taking it like a human punching bag swinging towards him so he can strike me with the blow again and again and again.

“I do the dish washer.” I say in the flattest voice I can. I don’t want to shout at him, because that would be very brainless and also because that would give him the excuse to give me a ticket. He's pissed that I’m not shouting at him, so he continues on with this little game. My apartment buddies all come out to watch the show. They all stand there silent. I want to slam a door in their faces but I can’t do that.

“oh! You do? What do you do when you come in from school? What are you supposed to do I should ask.” I’m about tired of this stupid game, but I have the oddest feeling that that is what he wants from me. To get tired and blow up. His voice raises when I again speak so calmly you would have thought I were talking about my socks.

“well. I think I’m supposed to unload the dishwasher.” He's getting even madder at me now.

“well did you” I give a little smile like a kid who was caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.

“nope. Oops.” The kids start to laugh but softly and it quickly stops. His voice is so great in volume I think he's shouting at me, but he's not.

“that’s the second time that you did this!” where have I heard that before? To piss him off even more I turn to him a smile on my lips.

“I am honestly sorry Mr. Evan. I won’t do this again.” He's not liking what I am doing, and he shows it when he talks to me next. He's used to have people react because that’s his fuel, but if you cut off that fuel eventually the fire will indeed die down before raring its ugly head. He's so mad I’m like a effigy he starts muttering to himself.

“set the table. We've wasted enough time just now.” I didn’t point out that if he had just said Robert you forgot to do the dishwasher the next time you will get a ticket… it would have been over in 7 seconds rather than 45. he however had to play that little mind game with me, and now look what you did Mr. Evan. He's muttering to himself the whole wile he's stirring my mac and cheese.

“I just can’t believe it. Room restriction for 3 days will fix that I can guarantee that, and maybe 2 tickets. And what am I doing stirring this for you?? Get over here and do this!” I’m just now setting down the last plate and silverware in it's place.

“some time today would be nice. Don’t you think the boys want to eat tonight?” what I say in my head and what I actually say are completely different things all together. My audience isn’t laughing at all. In fact some even try and help.

“no. this is his dinner not you all. And why are you all even here? Do you all want tickets or what? This isn’t no peep show. So what if he screwd up and did a stupid thing?” I grit my teeth so hard they make noise. He turns to me.

“what was that noise.”

“Nothing” I manage to choke out. I’m stirring and listening to him go at me like a record.

“I could give you a ticket you know?”

“yep.” Is what I say.

“stuff it up your ass.” Is what I’m thinking.

“but I’m not. I’m going to be nice today and let you get off ok? Granted you did do a pretty stupid thing but we all do stupid things a lot of the time that’s just who we r. well, if you do that again I’m not going to do anything when the boys punish you. I’m just going to laugh.” Without even noticing it I’m gripping the spoon I’m sturring with so hard it's actually sticking to my skin.

“yep.” Is all I say, and he doesn’t like that. He wants me to say something. To defend myself so he can have new material. Silence is not his strong suit. It's my best defense, and I’m using it a lot. He hates it.

“and I know it's hard because you had everything done for you after your mom incident, but that doesn’t apply here. The past is the past. But like I said if you keep doing this your roommates will hate you,, and punish you,, and I will laugh so hard my guts will bust.” He is a good teacher. I thought when I am all done stirring I turn to him making my face blank as I can.

“I’m going to tell the people that dinner is ready.” I say as if I didn’t even know what the word sentiment was.

“that would be a good idea don’t you think? What are you going to do after dinner? It's something you didn’t do this afternoon. What is it?” I want to sock him, but I just smile stupidly and chirp

“I’m going to do the dish washer!”

“that’s right! Right after dinner understand?” I say yes and tell my roommates that dinner is done. Evan sat right beside me and chewd his food. I didn’t look at him since I didn’t want to. I would have won a Grammy award Oscar for the quietist kid at the table that night. I didn’t want to talk because then that would give him some fuel. He sat with us the whole dinner however looking at me the whole time.

I am in my room now, and I’ve gotten over that. Because I don’t want to deal with his shit again I will try and remember to do whatever I am supposed to do. I guess that was some sort of motivation technique he did on me, because it worked. Now I’m motivated to try and not forget again. I must say that was pretty clever. He's still pissed I ddnt shoot back with something though. I don't know y. I can’t think at all now. My emotions are like a confused little puppy being jerked around on a chain one way then the next what over and over again. I’m wondering when I will snap. Like I said I don't know, but I do know that today was so not my day. Oh, and by the way I have a splinter in my foot from walking 12 miles to the damn beach on Tuesday because I passed the FCAT. I did get one good thing about me though.

“you didn’t complain the whole trip.” About 7 teachers say to me that afternoon when we are all going back to school. I didn’t mind the walk, but now I have a blister on my toe and it hurts so much I want to just chop the toe off. It hurts so bad I hop each chance I get just to avoid getting some preasure on it.

Before I forget, I have to tell you about this cool event in my adult living class. This lady from some college just came to talk to us about cars, but not just any cars… cars that blind people can actually use on their own. They are actually developing it, and they even have people testing out very basic prototypes. She wanted imputs on things that pose as a challenge when we are in the car with a sighted person riding with them. Seeing traffic lights or stop signs and such. I said that they should have something auditory that could tell you what sign is where and what it says. Another one said that they would have issues seeing the traffic lights because they are so high up. The car will have a special clicker on the weel to let you know that you are turning the weel that many inches tor times. That was always a huge issue for me whenever I drove my moms car to the buss. I didn’t know if I had turned enough. I also had issues turning the weel. I also explained this and she did smile at me a lot after I was done. She tells us that they don’t have a legal version out yet, and possibly won’t for some time. The car will have talking GPs, a scensor on the front to detect objects, and clicking weels. Honestly that’s all they would need to make a car accessible to the blind. I did bring up a huge point though.

“is the stuff going to be auditory or tactile?” she smiles at me as she looks in my direction. I can tell she truly likes me, but I don't know why.

“well, we were thinking that tactile would be good, even better than just auditory stuff” I shake my head.

“that wouldn’t be a good idea. Some blind people don’t have good sense of touch, and most visually impaired people anyway are accustomed to hearing things not feeling things. I am accustomed to feeling things, but it would be better to have most function audible.” A few kids start to complain then all the class goes “yeah!” that would be so awesome! I would just love and I mean love to have a car like that. Oh my god! That would be so cool to just get in a car and drive to someone's house like tommies or someone's house without cab fair! Some day I will even get to say that I need gass money. Some day though. I don't think that will happen anytime soon. I’m just invisioning all these people like me on the road. Can you believe that? Neither can i! oh wow. I just can’t even imagine it! I will be able to get my drivers license.that would be so cool I can’t even put it into words! Oh my god! There is something that we didn’t talk about though. How would you know if you are getting too close to a sidewalk or a person. The scensor on the car would vibrate when someone is close making the whole seat shake, but how woud you know if that’s just someone or a car in front of you?? How would you know if what you are about to run into isn’t a person? What if you vwere in a lot of traffic and there was things around you all the time. We didn’t cover any of these, and I wish that they would have. I thought that I came up with some pretty important stuff. Oh well, that’s al over now. I do have it on my stream though. All recorded. That would be something that I would drive let me tell you. I will have the chance to say let me take the car. I won’t have to walk everywhere. Next year they will let a few selective blind people test it out. I hope I am the one they pick. Wow. That will be so awesome! Well, I am getting tired. I will write later.

Later.

I can’t not talk about this I just have to talk about this to someone, and you are the only one who I can talk to journal.

Ciara is like a rat trapped between a cats paws. She's not doing so good. Her heart is like it's in a cage unable to reach up toward the heavens. She has to hide her feelings for me all week. She cried so much this week I thought she would become dehydrated or something. She didn’t, but the pain I am sure has taken over her whole being.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

It's almost Friday and I am in my room like always. I can’t wait till the weekends now. I wonder why that is? Just kidding. I know why. I want to be able to have hot water whenever I what it amongst other things. I’m not sure if ever said anything, but Sean is going to be moveing in. Sean Jacobs, ciaras best buddy. Yuck! Gag. Makes me want to puke right on his little bed. I don’t like him because he has that kind of air that he is smart and you are not.he does, has, and forever will know more than you do so why bother talking around him or to him> he also likes making you feel stupid for no purpose, and he asks uncomfortable questions and tries to make you feel like you are dense or something. I can’t describe the feeling, but it's not a good one. Whenever he talks to me I feel like he is mocking me somehow. I know without a doubt that if he even had the chance he would spread stuff about me. He doesn’t have the time or the chance because I try and act unobtrusive as I can. It works too, because he doesn’t have anything to say to me or about me. That’s perfectly fine with me. I would rather talk with a oad than him. Oh well though.

I havnt updated on the apartment project. Today was sort of a huge fluke. Connie and I finally found one apartment that we both agreed on. I wonder what's going to happen next week? I think that this will get started soon enough though. She read an example of a journal thing today and it wasjustin kellers journal. I liked his litte advertisement at the beginning. She looks at me after rading it and says

“I think you and him would be good friends. You both are creative.” I just shrug and continue listening. The part that I remember most was when he broke his own window so he had to go borrow some typeof cleaner or repair tool to help get the window fixed. I would love writing about that. That would be so much fun! I wonder what justyns job was. I have also seen signs other than the apartment project that he is gifted in writing. Mrs. Nore rad us his college entrance essay and he basically compared his life to a goal ball game. Everyone looks at me oddly after that.

“were you like related to justyn keller?” someone asks.

“he was here when Robert was just a baby.” Mrs. G says as she looks at me. But you both have that gift. The gift of writing. I think you guys would have been great friends if you would have met each other.” I just smile and nod as if I know exactly who she was talking about.

“your like his younger brother” someone chirps, then the whole class is actually thinking that I am indeed related to him.

“wasn’t he that always sarcastic kid who liked to show off just how brainy he was?” all stop and look at me with shock on their faces. I can’t remember if I ever seen him there at FSDB or not. Have i? they are all looking at me like I am termanaly ill and think that I am meantily confused as well. I am. Who was Justin keller? Was he a book worm like me? Did he like writing like I did.

“no… I don't know… I don’t think so…” Mrs. G says thinking. She goes into deep thought.

“no. I think that kid was named AJ.

Ya.” I growl. “he's the one who said that my English class was up my-“ I am cutt off instantly and I go back to working. Making a mental note to ask Justin the next time I talk with him on I’m or on facebook.

Well. I am actually getting tired. Can you believe it? I can’t! wow. It's late for me. Wooh. I think that I am going to crash soon. Ok? Bye. As always. I will write in here when I get a chance…

Even later. Still Thursday, March 12, 2009

Also I went on some troly today that took a huge tour of the city because I passed the FCAT! At least I didn’t get any more blidters on my toes. At least this one is healing now. It was very very bad yesterday. That killed me. Let me tell you. I thought I would never walk again. Wooh. I’m all glad that’s over, but that means less free time next week, and this huge history project that we are going to start next week will pretty much take up the whole time in the dorm. I will also have 3 duties next week instead of just 1 which means I will even have less free time. I just hope that next week the whole cooking thing goes better than this week. God. That was hell. I like Mrs. Corey better than Mr. Evan, but I won’t let anyone know that. Not even her. I can’t. he hates her, or just hates the way that she runs things. I don't know if it's because he doesn’t like her or her attitude or what? Ok I better stop for now. My mind is tired. I will keep up this journal next week. Have a good weekend all. Hope all is well. I will keep you posted.