Apartment Snags
By Robert Kingett
Edited by Amanda Fadden
Prologue
From the journal…
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and my ego is soaring so high I can't even control it! I am also getting an apartment! Woo hoot! This should be better than me imagining myself growing gigantic and killing people with bursts of candy.
It actually came about in a strange way however. I was doing a search on the good old world wide web and an idea taps me on the shoulder. I can tell he has something important to tell me, so I listen to him not knowing his plans. I honestly hate it when he does this because to be honest sometimes I don't want to trust him. I listen to him anyway because I think he just may be good this once. I smile as he speaks in my head. "Why not try this site?" I swear he can be so cocky sometimes I don't know even what to do with him. Rolling my eyes I do what he says. He does annoy me sometimes to the brink of my sanity, but sometimes he actually pulls through. In a nut shell, he does pull through, and I am so happy I am hugging him and kissing him like he has just saved my life. It's going to be a little apartment only for 400 something! Woot! The sun is beaming with happiness at the prospect.
That was the diary entry I wrote when I found out I was going to be getting an apartment and a room mate along with it. I needed to get a sense of what the real world had to offer so I tried apartment hunting.
Like a traffic light changing; the events that lead up to me having a room mate were swift, smooth sort of, and completely strange. Someone walked up to me, asked me if she can be my room mate, and like an automatic machine gun my mouth said on its own, "Of course you can!"
So my plump room mate became Connie. After we decided on that we started to think about jobs. She decided to work at McDonalds and get paid minimum wage. I on the other hand decided to apply for something that I would actually enjoy. In short I got accepted and I soon had the title of being a journalist in home.
I also soon decided not to go to school because my GPA was like my socks. It was down low and not coming up for anything. Besides way back then I didn’t think I would even get into colleges. I came out of high school with an average of 2.5 cumulative and an unused writing talent and swift wit. Because of these small yet huge barriers, I decided to just go to work and not even try to worry about school. Connie and I must have been communicating telepathically at that time because she thought that the route that I would take would also be the best thing for her as well.
The day that Connie and I were supposed to move in I could actually feel my bones shaking. After I washed my buzzed hair and limped to the taxi outside, folding my cane up, I looked back at the home I had stayed in all my life. I would miss it I knew but I could not dwell on the past…
The place looked wide open. My cab pulled into an apartment complex that looked like something from a comedy movie. Ours, tall and white, stood looming over the cab looking like it was the all mighty of buildings on this earth. I looked to see Connie get out of her cab as well just behind me. How odd that her and I arrived at the same time. Slowly, and with Connie following me, I walked into the Orlando apartment where my plights would soon begin.
When I got in I sat my suitcase down with a sense of awe in my heart. Connie just looked like she had to go to the bathroom, which was odd because she just went like an hour ago.
I looked at the bland space and my thoughts could only turn to one thing.
"Bookshelves!"
Connie looked at me like I had some sort of wart on my head and said with the tone of a scolding mom
"Later."
"Fine." I pouted.
After I got moved in I couldn't help but think to myself as I lay on my bed at night time, listening to the wonderful yet scary sounds of my mind telling me that I have an adventure waiting for me. Turning over on my side looking out of a window, I thought that perhaps my mind is right. Perhaps I will embark on an adventure I will never forget. Closing my eyes for the first and final time that night. My stomach wouldn’t stop churning. What kind of things were going to happen to us? Was I going to get sick and have to have my nose be amputated? The land lady seemed nice though twinkling her eyes at me today. I smiled at her only to get socked by an invisible hand because she was looking at a beautiful bird flying in the sky. She didn't love me. Oh well. Looking out of the window that night I did not know many things. I did not know if I would even survive this encounter, I didn't know if things would turn out good, I didn't know if we would even have hot water for long, but I did know one thing. I was cold, and witty.
Chapter one. Sick gifts
The first month rolled by with a little cash in my pocket. My dear sick old grandmother had sent me a letter wishing me dead and yet a check. When I was writing in my journal that month, I relived every moment.
I want to cry, I want to burst out in irrevocable tears. I'm so happy! My dear old grandmother sent me a package this morning. Well actually it was this day, but I looked at it this morning. I first looked at the strange thing with a sense of awe in my heart. The thing looked almost scary in the dim morning light. Slowly but surely shaking to death I opened the package expecting a frightening letter of hatred and doleful words to meet my eyes. Instead I found something that made me wonder if I was dreaming or not. my grandmother bless her heart had forgotten that she hates my guts and gave me some cash for valentines day, even though it's march. I think the altimers is kicking in again, but hey I can't complain. Looking at the letter attached I was in utter shock. She had actually kissed the letter. There was a lip print at the bottom! Taking it outside I began to read.
Dear grandson.
Hi bobby! Wow. She must really be sick. She used my name.
I just would like to say hey, and I also want to wish you a marry whatever freaking day is coming up. I however, am forgetting who you are at the moment. I guess the sickness is kicking in. anyway, I have enclosed a check, because I love you. You are the best dog I ever had the pleasure of cooking. Well, Susan, I will talk with you later! Keep the money unsafe, and give it to someone not me!
Wish you secretly dead… grandmother.
With that warm letter in mind I looked at the check I had received. Was it a fake? Did she secretly include a picture of me watching Barbie in the box as well? Looking for secret compartments and hidden slots in the box I suddenly had a realization slap me in the mouth. She sent me money. Wow. Grandmother must be sicker than I thought.
I also have something terribly scary to talk about as well. No I'm still alive, and I still have all my hair. No not that scary but it's scary all the same. Guess what? Connie started a fire making my favorite dinner, Spaghetti. I was so astonished at how pretty it all looked. The fire not Connie trying to put out the fire. I do have to hand it to her though, I've never seen anyone actually dive sideways and spray the fire extinguisher like something out of the matrix. She managed to put out the fire, but now she has to get a few things and get a new extinguisher. I was out at the time, but I did see wicked videos of it on YouTube. It even had comments. Well, I'm just glad she's ok, because if she dies who else would make awesome YouTube videos in which someone dives from the table sideways while spraying the extinguisher? Not me that's for sure. My grandmother texted me about it today thinking I was her girl friend from bingo. That was scary beyond belief. At least the apartment didn't get damaged though. I think we would be evicted if that ever happened. Connie didn't get hurt, but now she is a huge hit on YouTube. That's no fair! I want to make a video in slow motion that flashes different colors at key points in action...
I'm just glad that everything is ok. Aside from the damages the budget is still the same though, because I got an actual gift from my grandmother who once told me I should go eat a shoe, and aside from paying for damages and a new extinguisher we at least didn't loose that much. Just think if we made a fire cracker out of the apartment. Now that would be awesome. We would be screwed though....
Chapter two. Parties in the house.
That month passed by without a single hitch. The next month however, must have been planned by the all mighty himself. You know that feeling you have when you wish that you had never done something? That's the feeling that I had right after the party that would almost get me arrested.
Travis and some other friends of mine, a lot of them actually, called and said that I needed to live a little, and since I had never actually attended a party before they were going to do the honors at my place. My insides were screaming with fright at the mere prospect. Oh dear god! What were they going to do, kill me? I didn't want a party. I didn't want to have all these people in my house! Why does Travis do this to me? I thought as the dreaded phone conversation took place in my kitchen.
"No!" I practically squawked with utter fright. "No! No! And let me say this again! No!"
"Come on man. It'll be fun!"
"Your definition of fun is scary. I'm not doing it."
"You got to live a little dude; this will help you out some."
"Did I ever in my whole life say I want to have a party in my apartment with wacko teenagers?" I snapped into the phone. My temper along with my fear growing steadily.
"Look. You and I both know that you are antisocial..."
I frowned at the receiver in my hands, giving it the evil eye and the death look at the same time.
“So this will be good for you! You get interaction."
"And a headache.”
“It's not going to be that bad. What day are you free from working?"
"Never." I tried to lie but he saw through it.
"Ok. Fridays it is. What do you say?"
When I see him the next time I'm going to make him read history books! I thought nastily as I cursed Travis to hell and back.
"Fine. That's settled. I will have it at Friday, but quiet time is 10, so don't stay long."
"Cool! I'll bring the beverages!" with that he hung up the phone leaving me to have nightmares the rest of the week.
On Thursday I sat bolt upright in bed and screamed my heart out so much that I could actually hear an echo. Connie ran in my room and shouted at me.
"Oh my god Robert what's wrong! Quit shouting. What's wrong?"
Shuddering till my bones hurt I looked up at her with my nightmare still looming over my head and my imagination still filling my head up with images that gave me a heart attack. With the voice of someone who is on his death bed I choked out one horrifying sentence.
"I forgot to tell him non alcoholic!"
Friday would forever be the day I hated so much I didn't even want to remember it. The party started out good, with all of us just chatting and dancing. I didn't know that Travis could break dance like that. That was scary seeing one leg swing about his body like some deformed top. Amanda was singing, and Connie the whole time was looking at me like I had to be nuts. The beverages that Travis brought over were these weird fruit punch drinks that looked like red wine. I didn't drink any because I feared just what they had in them. The fact that we were minors didn't stop us from drinking after all. As the party went on it got even heavier. By now at 11 at night music was blaring from the boom box and when I put my hand on the wall it actually vibrated a fraction of an inch. I actually tried the red wine looking concision only to love it and soon guzzle about 7 cups a minute. I did pay for that in the bathroom later, but I didn't care. It soon made me so gitty I would have laughed at the word pudding. I danced and whooped and yelled with all my might as the party hammered on better than ever. Apparently my singing was so bad people felt they had to complain about it because As I was finishing the song "melt with you" I heard a sharp pounding on the door. Yay! Another soul to sully my lovely house! He better not leave or I am going to crap in his ear! I thought to myself as the pounding continued louder this time.
"I... He! I got it!" I yelled going to the front door and looking through the glass circle in the door. There was a large black man there. He shined a flashlight on himself and mouthed something. He said it even louder this time but I could catch only faint words.
"Police officer!" oh god almighty: it was the cops. I had to let the others know that the king of all things scary was outside the door. Someone beat me to the punch.
"It's the cops." Someone shouted, and the whole place went dead quiet. You couldn't even hear a pin drop the silence was so loud in our ears. Shane stopped the music at once, Travis stopped dancing in mid move, and Amanda collapsed in the chair laughing her head off at something that Tracey had said. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest it actually hurt to breathe. I slowly opened the door and looked out at the cop. He blended into the night because of his complexion and dark uniform. His light shined in my face.
"Are you the owner of this residence?"
No. the black break dancing guy is, I wanted to say, but all I in fact said was
"No."
"So you rent?"
"Uh huh." I said like a stupid kid who didn't know how to form a sentence. I was dead. They were going to take me to jail, and I didn't even get to dance with Connie yet.
"There has been a complaint filed against you. Several people have called in complaining about loud noise coming from this apartment room? What were you all doing? Don't you even know what time it is?"
I wanted to say we were studying for school, just to see what he would say to me, but I was so scared of this big guy I didn't even blink.
"Ok. We were having a party. Yes I do by the way. It's 1 AM."
He gave a beam like I just said I have 8 thousand dollars! He looked at me like I had a huge wad of money waiting on him. He laughed and the light shining on his Cole colored skin wavered slightly.
"I know that you're young and all, so this time I'm going to let you off. I mean it's not like you guys were drinking...?"
I was still gitty from the amounts I did drink, so I actually didn't know what in truth I had been drinking.
"... So I'm going to let you guys off, but you got to keep it down."
I liked this guy, and I mean a LOT! He went away.
The party continued and with that my new carpet was totally ruined in my living room. When Travis was trying to pour the drink he instead poured it on the floor. How do you miss a cup that you're holding? Honestly. Soon after more and more drinks were being spilled by random weird acts. Amanda was singing and she took a bow, and her hem of her dress knocked a cup over, I was doing flips in the living room forgetting that I had a drink in my hand, and Connie would shoot soda out of her nose and down on to the floor. The party I do have to admit was fun.
When I woke up the next morning I didn't feel dehydrated nor did I have a headache. I guessed that perhaps the drinks were not spiked except with sugar. I walked out to see that the living room was trashed! I was going to have to get this room steam cleaned. What joy? I vowed to myself to make Travis read all day the next time I ever saw his face again. If I did, it would be too soon.
I called a repair company and they said that I could get the carpet cleaned for $90. Oh my god. That cuts out of my cash I make. What am I going to do? How am I going to do this? I guess I will just have to wait and see. I hated Travis. I honestly, without a doubt, did. I guess I will have to repay him somehow, some way. How though, how in the world can I repay him?
Chapter three. Flying fists.
That was wishful thinking. I never actually got the chance to repay him, instead, my jaw hurt. I don't know if it was caused by him or not, but it was still very bad. One morning I woke up, and my jaw hurt. I didn't and still don't know y. I think it has something to do with the fact that Travis punched me in the jaw when I was trying to stop him from hitting someone else. I guess I should start at the beginning, and tell you what happened.
I guess it all started when I was at a park with Travis, Amanda, Shane, and Connie. Connie moved into her knew apartment, and she wanted her new roommate to meet me. I guess that's understandable, but I didn't want to meet him all that much. I just wanted to hang with my friends. It turns out I don't even remember what he even looked like. Anyway, how Travis socked me in the jaw... some boys came over and started to harass us because we all "looked blind." Including Travis. Apparently, they thought that he may be the weakest out of all of us other than me, because they went for him. They took one look at me then turned away so fast you would have thought I said "hi. I want to kiss you. Is that ok?"
"I know you!" one said pointing at me.
"Ya. I am the writer of the paper, or one section in the newspaper."
"Dude..." he said like I had just pulled a balloon out of my nose.”Your like... all... mean, and funny with your reviews. I don't want to have my name in your reviews." he said, placing a huge emphasis on the words my name.
I smiled. They started on Travis, calling his bluff.
Travis stood up and stood his ground. He looked like one of those people who bench huge amounts of weights. Even tough he slightly waddles when he walks; he still looked Unapproachable with his broad shoulders and his long arms and huge hands that when Balled up into fists looked like two big black wrecking balls being hurled at you. The boys backed away as he advanced.
"You want to mess with me?" he bellowed.
I gently grabbed his huge arm. My fingers didn't even wrap around a quarter of his arm.
"Travis! Stop! It's not worth it!"
"I don't care! I want to pay these people back!"
"Hit us blind-" before he could even finish his word, Travis lunged at him with a glint in his eyes that said one thing and one thing only. He was furious. I decided that the best way to intervene was to get in between the 2 people. I did so, and I soon regretted it. What I did not even think about let alone notice was Travis's huge black fist with a single ring on it flying through the air. I didn't even know what socked me in the jaw, but it didn't even feel like a fist. It just felt like a ball. All I saw was Travis's shirt in front of me, then the figure suddenly flying back away from me, and below my vision. I then just laid there looking up at the sun. The sun came closer to inspect how I was doing. Its eyes looked over me, and then with a tisk of its tongue it kept saying my name over and over again. It sounded like Travis.
"What's wrong with me?" I asked the sun with the stethoscope. It shook its head like it didn't know. I was mad. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. Another thing that ticked me off was Travis's voice kept calling my name. I wanted to see what the sun had to say to me and I couldn't do that with Travis talking the whole time.
"I don't know." It said taking off its glasses and looking at me like I did something wrong.
"What?" I asked.
"He. Robert... Robert... Robert...!"
"WHAT!" I shouted, but he just faded away.
"Robert... Robert... Robert..." I heard the name being called over and over again, but I didn't want to answer. When I at last let my eyes slowly open, I thought I was blind. All I could see was dark skinned people, or was that just Travis. Why didn't the sun answer me, and why was a brown hand on my face?
"Robert!" Travis said almost yelling. He placed his fingers under my nose, and the palm of his hand in front of my mouth testing for air; he was the one who asked the next question.
"He's breathing. Are his eyes open?" someone else, but with white skin, popped into view. I heard a voice that sounds like Connie.
"Um, kind of." The white moved away from me, and the black face appeared again.
"I don't want to touch his eyes. He could have some illness I don't know about.”
"Ohhhhh." I groaned not even wanting to move my tongue let alone my mouth.
Travis's eyes opened wide like saucers.
"Oh my god! My head really, and I mean really hurts.” I didn’t want to talk at all if I could help it.
"Travis knocked you dead cold." Connie said. I just nodded at her.
"Is he back sleeping?"
"No. he nodded at me." In short, I stayed like that for about 3 more hours. When I at last had the strength to move and talk again, I wanted to yell and scream at Travis for doing this to me. I didn't though, and I accepted his apology. A few days later I started having the pain in my jaw. The first night I experienced it I went to the bathroom, moving my mouth all about like some deaf mute. The pain didn't feel like it was in my jaw however. It felt like it was in my tooth. As I was testing this theory out in the bathroom, I screamed as the pain shot through me. Connie rushed in.
"What's wrong? Did you miss again?"
"Shut up." I said with my mouth open. "My mouth hurts. I think it's my tooth.
"I think Travis damaged your mouth." She just had to let me know that. I didn't know. Did I look like some doctor?
I called the dental business and I got the cost it would cost to have a root canal with no insurance. My doctor, a very young Mexican with perfect English didn't give me a hard time. That's good, because little did he know I was going to write about the experience.
A few days later I also got the shock of my life. Connie didn't pay rent. Instead, she decided to go ahead and buy a brand new PS3 rather than pay rent. That's why I was sad when she was packing her bags a week later
"I'm going to miss you." I said sincerely.
She looked at me with hurt eyes.
"I know. Me to." She took a step out the door leading to the outside and with a waiting cab. As she got in, she looked back. I could hear her sniffling all the way from hear, or was that me? As she pulled away, my vision became blurred for some reason. I then realized that it was tears. Slowly closing the door, one thought raced its way into my mind like a NASCAR vehicle. How was I going to survive on my own? I didn't have that answer just yet. Only time held that answer between its fingers. I guess I would just have to wait and see what happens...
Chapter 4. I can run but bills can catch up.
After that month, month 4 was even more of a disaster. You know when you completely screw up, but you don't know you did so until it punches you in the face? If you don't, that feeling will make you look and feel like an idiot. All you want to do is beat yourself senseless until you either knock yourself out, or rectify your wrong doing. But you can't undo what has been done, so you have to find ways around it. I did. Now with Connie gone, I have to manage anyway I can. Last month I just barely scraped by, with exactly 56 cents to spare. Literally. Now though, my own actions have caused me serious issues. My cell bill has shot, and I don't mean down, I mean shot up. That's because I have been talking on the phone with my: significant other" for a tad bit longer than I thought I was. When I get the bill I look at it with wonder.
"Hmm. Lets see here." I look at the paper, and the next thing I know I am on the floor looking up at the ceiling!
"What! It has been raised to $350 this month?" I say out loud to no one in particular. No one was even in here any way, so who would hear me scream? Just my neighbors, but they can get over it. Oh, my, god! I'm an idiot! I knew those 5 hour conversations screwed me to high heaven and back, but what can I do about it now? What can I do about it now? I don't get it! Why? Why? Why was I so stupid! I'm usually not this foolish, but it's all that girls fault! No, it's not. It's mine.” My head kept telling me.
"Do you ever stop contradicting me?"
"Deal with it. It’s too bad."
So in light of this new bill, I sat and thought for the longest time about what I could do to get more cash to pay for the bill. Just when I thought I had no more ideas left in me I had an epiphany! I would ask for more work! That night I tried emailing my boss about more work hours.
"I need more work hours!"
"What, why?"
"Because... I'm bored, and I need something else to do."
"You're an in home journalist, I can't put you on any more topics because they are all taken by people, and besides, you already do enough."
"But that doesn't satisfy me."
"Look! In order to have you do more stories, I would have to kick other people off. Do you want to have that on your shoulders?"
I frowned at the screen. I wanted to jump through and demand more work hours.
"What if I still do more stories and reports? Will you give me a raise?"
The next email was short and sweet.
"No."
Fuming I shut off the computer and just sat at my desk pouting. I suddenly began to open up a Microsoft Word document, and typed just what I really thought about my boss.
I went to the store, walking I might add, because I didn't want to pay for cab fair. Thank god there was a store in my town that was a block away. I walked in, got my cart, and headed off. Looking at the rows of shelves I found one with noodles on it. I walked down that isle, getting roman noodles all the while filling the cart up. At least their cheap. Walking to the end, I got the last can. Looking at it, I gave a huge sigh before putting it in the basket. I guess I know what I am eating this month and the next. Good thing I like noodles huh? I thought sarcastically as I walked out of the store. I walked out into the bright sun with bags in both my hands. With my head held high I started on the trek home to my apartment. Hating the man who created cell phones. What will become of me next month? I thought as I walked between cars at the parking lot. I didn’t know that answer. There was only one person who knew that answer and he never wanted to give any hint of it away. That person was time.
Chapter 5. The Prada poacher.
Time did manage to tell me one thing, to be prepared, so I did. I got insurance, but that was after I learned about the Prada thief. Weird things do happen in the real world. That's a fact. Weird things do, and I mean DO happen. My fifth month in the apartment was no normal exploit. Just like the other months this one had its twists and turns just waiting on me to meet them. It all started when I had to go to a scene where some rich girl got robbed. Even though I hated the sound of it I still went with my head high and my sarcasm tamed. Even though I may have not liked the assignments I was given as a reporter/journalist, I felt it was my duty to interview any person who would make a good story, even if it's a criminal. Walking, still recovering from that phone bill last month, I got to the scene at last. It looked as though sighted reporters and their fancy cars got there before me. I walked up to the front door, and looked at a woman who was sitting on the steps of her elegant house crying her eyes out.
"Oh! Why me? Why me?"
A skinny tall black reporter was like right in her face, bombarding her with all kinds of questions.
"How did you feel? What did he take? Why do you think he took it?"
I looked at him with a glare. It was my arch enemy reporter standing there like he's king of the newspaper. I marched right up to them determined to show them who will be the demonist one with the pen around here.
"ma'am, is this mediocre reporter bothering you?" He turned to me with some kind of glare on his deep black face.
"I am doing my job, and I'm doing it well."
“Well? You call this well? I call this persecution.”
“Why are you even hear? Is this even your case?”
"Don't you have a school to write about?" I snapped. "This kind of thing may be too advanced for you. You should instead be doing stories about kids who squirt toothpaste up their noses since that's all that your writing skills can handle." He walked away shaking his head. Without missing a beat I shot questions at the woman like bullets.
"Who stole whatever was stolen?"
She wailed even harder sounding like some dying dog.
"Go away! Go away! Just go, the, heck, away!"
"No. I, unlike him, am doing my job, and do you want to get your stuff back?"
"Oh yes but I don't want to be harassed either! I can call the police on you, u knows?"
"No... You couldn't. Don't even try that with me. Now, you going to answer my questions, or am I going to walk away, and you lose your prospect to maybe catch this guy?" the choice looked like it was causing her serious psychological harm.
"I don't know." I mean, I want to so bad, but I just don't know if I can take all this strain!" she sobbed while dabbing at her face with a tissue.
I scoffed with laughter.
"So you're going to talk? That's awesome!"
She glared at me as a response.
"Splendid! Let's get to work! What were some of the things that were stolen?"
"Well." She sniffed. "I did lose this fine table cloth yesterday-"
"I thought it was stolen." I asked with a chip on my shoulder.
"Whatever! Someone stole it!"
I couldn't help but look at her with raised eyebrows.
"Did he take your shoes too?"
She actually thought I was serious and laughed.
"No, he just took that, and my one of a kind napkin!"
That kind of thing went on for like 6 minutes. Once I finally got some relevant information I decided to go home, and actually write up the article.
Warning! Prada Snatcher on the Loose!
It seems that even leopard skinned purses and design sequence napkins aren't safe in this town anymore. Hide your golden diamond watches and your pure black socks! The Prada poacher is on the loose, and he will do more than steal your purse and or credit card, but he will also steal that blue and green checkered patterned napkin…
In short the article was a huge success, but it soon wasn't such a joking matter. Because I have made fun of them time and time again in my witty article, my sub conscious kept trying to tell me one simple thing. They will now be coming after me and my new shoes! Oh no! The horror of it all! In fact I also thought that god was trying to send a message to me because I even heard it on the news, along with my name.
"A.... slight... witty reporter has actually been on a scene involving these two. In his article he states that yes, your stuff should be scared, especially expensive napkins! No one knows who these men are, and why they do this or where they are at now, but police are hard at work. Thanks to that... informative article... Robert kingett wrote... we should look in the hair salon, because they may have their private meetings there!"
I knew action had to be done, and it had to be done fast. I mean, I did after all pay $12 on eBay for my blue checkered patterned shower curton, and my bright orange carpet. I didn't want to have that stolen away from my little old heart so I had to do something fast, but what could I do? I turned to the phone with shaking hands. The phone was just sitting there looking like it knew what I was thinking. It was calling to me telling me to pick it up and call the insurance company. It must have worked because I don't even remember slowly picking it up and dialing a farmers company Anyway, I didn't even hear six rings when someone answered so abruptly I thought it was a mistake. He sounded like a younger black man.
"Hi. If my place gets robbed how can I get insurance for it? I mean if my apartment gets robbed out of any... good looking very expensive napkins with sequence designs on them for example, how much would that be?"
There was a long pause.
"Well, that will be... $680"
"Well, I think your calculations are wrong."
"Not me sir,"
"Right. Have fun overcharging. I want to do it!"
I also decided to cancel my satellite service. I didn't even need it any more. It was getting quite hard to pay the bills without a room mate. Why did I decide to get insurance? I didn't even think about why I did it. I guess I had a deep psychological fear that my socks will be stolen. I don't know. Afterwards, I sent in another article about how to rectify this situation or else protect you from Prada poachers. Flopping on my bed and looking up at the ceiling, one thing came to mind so suddenly I'm shocked it even did. I thought while thinking of ways to embarrass them even more.
Well, they did after all, have great taste.
Looking outside at the setting sun. I pray to no one in particular. I don't know if even anyone heard me but I felt like I would be saving my expensive carpets and napkins if I did so.
"Oh, god, please don't let them rob me, I love that shower curton. I also love the ducks all around it as well..."
Chapter 6. Straight fears
The next month I decided to cancel my Verizon service because I was just so tired of having mediocre cell phone reception. Even though I had a lot of good things to say about them in my other writings my journal that month saw what I honestly thought of them.
Verizon stinks, and I'm not talking about the “Ewe” kind of stinks, I am talking about there are better services out there stinks. If I didn't have to do that review of their service that one time, I would have gave them away to charity a long time ago.
After I was all done ranting in my journal I soon started on the hunt again for another phone company. I finally found one! I found a company called Skype! After looking at the information about the company I was sure that they would put normal cell companies out of business. I decided to get a house phone with this new company called Skype. After I did that I looked all over for information on canceling my Verizon service and didn’t find anything. Since they didn't have any sort of helpful information on how much they charged for breaking their contract, I had to call them. I did so right after I wrote a book review about Eragon being the new star wars. I used their free 1800 number, just so they couldn’t charge me any more than they had to. I also filtered the call through my computer, just in case they still wanted to say I made another call on their cell. With my headset on I waited for someone to get on the line.
"Hello?" I asked. What met my ear almost made me fall over,
"Hello." A soft elegant gorgeous breathy voice said in my ear.
"Um... hi..." I was speechless for a minute. She sounded so... well, for lack of a better word, hot!
"Sir? Are you there?"
"Yes. I am here for you- I'm here."
"Splendid!" she breathed in my ear. I wanted to melt into the floor just before I couldn't help myself anymore. I started to sweat, and then after I did that I started to spontaneously fidget.
"I just want to know how much it will cost to terminate my service."
After she received every piece of information about me they needed. She told me that it would cost $175
"That much?"
She gave this little sigh like she was exasperated with every action that I did, and my heart just melted into my stomach along with my brain.
"Yes sir. That much. Would you like to continue with the cancelation?"
"Well not if you're with me." I said dreamily, but I was holding the mouth peace away from my mouth.
"Excuse me? Sir?"
"Oh, um, yes. I would. Although..." I trailed off. I just couldn't help but ask this one simple question. I just had to get it off of my chest.
"How old are you?"
She stuttered for the longest time before answering me in a voice that almost restarted my heart
"I am 28."
That's not that old! I thought in my own head.
"How about I just take you out to dinner, and we can talk about cancelation?"
She didn’t even say anything after that. All I heard through my headset was silence with some breathing thrown in.
"Sir... I don't think so..."
Drat! Shoot! My head screamed.
"Is there anything else you want to tell or ask me sir?"
"I love you." I blurted into the headset. A click was followed by the long silence that seemed to engulf the whole entire world.
"Oh, no! Wait! Yes I want to cancel my service!" a few more clicks invaded my ears before I realized she didn't hang up on me. It was just my computer acting up.
"Ok sir. You don't have to shout."
After I did at last cancel the account, I went online to do a little bit of scavenger hunting, just to see if I could find a better deal. I did. The answer was Skype, an internet based service that also dealt with phones. I looked at their Skype out rates, and if I wanted to call anyone in the US a, it would cost me 1 cent a minute. I then however, saw something better. Get a subscription and save! A flashing animation on the screen said. I clicked it, and discovered that if I bought the subscription, I could have called anyone in the US for 2 bucks a month, and calls to Skype members were always free, and a number was included so people can call me! Jumping at the chance, I paid for it with my PayPal account. I then looked at the accessories. I wanted to know if they had any mobile solutions, because I didn't want to have to sit at my computer all the time I wanted to make a call. They had landline phones, and I got one. A Net gear SPH200D Cordless Phone. My internet was from a different company, so I didn't have to worry about that. There was a catch however. The phones would only work if there was a wireless connection available. There was, so I went ahead and bought the phone for $179.99.
I had submitted my latest book review to magazines and received an extra 20 bucks, so that helped out a lot in the purchase. Just for kicks, and because I was lazy, I requested to have someone install it for me.
The next day When I opened the door to someone knocking on it, a tall black man stood in the door way. He smiled and waved at me like I had candy in my shoe.
"Hi there! My name is Francis, and I am here to install the phone for you."
I showed him where I wanted the phone, and where to put the phone and all that. He did so, chattering the whole time. He reminded me of those kinds of people at parties who don't even have a clue when it comes to communication. They would just keep talking and never shut up.
He did have a nice voice though. It was a bit high, and I did have to admit he looked very handsome in his blue Skype uniform with white letters. He also smiled a lot. Still, he was cool to talk to. When he was confused about what to do, I did what I knew how to, which was connect all the parts and install the software on the phone and sync the clock with my home computer clock on it. As I did so, I talked just as much as he did.
"... and I just love to write, I mean I don't know if I will ever become someone, but I hope so some day..."
All done I stand up and look behind me. He's looking at me oddly. It's almost like he's looking at me enviously, and deeply.
"You're into gay pride?"
I stare at him aghast. His finger pointed to a card on the table that had a bright rainbow with the words gay pride, in tan letters at the bottom. My aunt was on some kind of walk, and she wrote to me to just tell me how she was doing on the walk. I personally thought that she had serious issues walking in the sun for some belief, but that's just my opinion.
"Uh... well, there's nothing wrong with it." I said my heart pounding in my chest. He actually thought I was gay? Talk about being stereotypical.
"Me either! You know son? I came out of the closet 3 years ago, and now I'm just so happy!"
I stared in awe at this witty hilarious man smiling at me like he just picked some new fruit to take home with him.
"Do you even know how old I am?" I asked using my age as a barrage.
"No, but I'm 19."
Oh... dear... god! What the world? I quickly snatched up the card and held it to my chest, the front facing me knowing I was doomed if he knew my age. I wanted to tell him that I was not gay, but how could I do it without making him punching me in the face?
"You ok? You look pale."
"I'm fine." I said, and it was true. I did feel fine. I didn't want this guy to get his feelings hurt, and I also didn't want to punch him in the heart so to speak, so how could I have let him off easy?
"I'm just not looking for someone. I mean, I think I am going to move soon, and I'm just not ready to settle down quite yet. I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready-!”
The poor guy was about to cry. He just stood there looking like I socked him in the jaw. I couldn't tell him the truth now, because he may hit me. He astonished me by saying with tiny sniffles like a puppy dog
"You're not out of the closet yet. Shame."
I stopped in mid move. I was walking to get my wallet so I could pay him, but now I just stood there staring at him completely shocked he made such a wrong deduction about me.
"Uh huh?" is all I could say without calling him a nut case. He came up to me and gave me a huge hug.
"It’s ok. We all have been there. Just one step at a time, it's ok."
"I'm happy alone." I mumbled into his shirt. He pulled away from me and gazed into my eyes. I looked down and placed bills in his hand. With a bounce I lead him to the door. Making a subtle point saying I want to have you out of my house. He didn’t catch it though...
"Thank you so much for coming!"
He turned, and beamed at me, "It has been a pleasure hasn't it?"
In answer, I slowly shut the door in his face. I turned and looked at my new phone resting on its gray cradle. I didn't mean to lie to him like that, but then again I shouldn't have kept that card there either. I understand that. All in all though I think I did the right thing, and with my new phone, and 2 dollar phone bill a month, I can call anyone I wish! Ah! What bliss. I can't help but wonder what he thought of me though. Obviously something, but what? I think at last that he must have been looking back at me, because not a few seconds after his van started up and started to go away, I heard a cat meow loudly, and then I heard tires squealing. Smiling to myself, I went in my room, plopped on my bed, and fell into deep sleep with a huge grin on my peaceful face. "Poor guy. I'm so sorry!" I thought before blackness came to wrap me up in its arms, and take me home.
Chapter 7. Happily ever after.
After the sixth month in the apartment, I decided I didn't want to live alone any more. I had plans to live with Travis, and or Amanda. I just couldn't keep this up any longer. Sure my apartment was nice and all, but the bills all caught up to me, plus I was lonely. I moved out of my apartment a month later.
If there is one thing I learned while living on my own is that it's impossible. After my deposit was returned to me, I headed off. Thinking about my 6 months there. My god! So many things happened to me I didn't even want to relive them anymore. I was headed to a new home after all, so why should I keep dreading up past memories? As the cab pulled into another apartment complex. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What was in store for me here? The same wacky events? I looked up at the tall building in complete awe. I went to a door and knocked. After Amanda had opened the door she gave me a huge smile.
"Another one who likes Shane’s and I apartments!"
Huh? Another one?" I looked at her with a shocked look that she couldn't see.
"Um, Amanda? What do you mean?" smiling the whole time; she led me in to the living room of the estate. I looked all over for this other person. I jumped about 5 feet in the air when she shouted "ok! Come on out! Our new room mates here!" 2 doors opened and out of the shadows of the hallway, Travis, and Connie stepped like the 2 musketeers.
"Huh?" all 3 of us said.
"It's Robert!" Connie nearly shouted at me. She lunged at me knocking me over. Travis just stood by looking cool.
"I'm not going to punch you." I told him, and he broke out into a broad grin.
We all have been living together for some time now, and its ok. There is always noise here, and I always had something interesting to write about. I finally accomplished my dream, and became a published best selling author. With my cash, and others, we all bought a house. After we moved into it, we stayed there, until I was the only one left out of our little trio. I was 90, and that was when I had the heart attack. They rushed me to the hospital, where I fell into a coma.
I am out now, and I am writing this as my last book. It's hard to say if this event will be pleasant or not. Death. I do know that the others went peacefully, and with old age. I am the eldest, and now I think it's time for me to go. My apartment experience so long ago has taught me so many things in life that I can't even describe. It even helped me become a best seller. Now, as I lay here dying, I think about all of us. In fairy tales the person always has a happy ending. That apartment adventure has left me with a pretty good story, but is this a good ending, me dying in about a week? I don't know. The others all had their happy ending I guess, and now, I suppose, even though I'm scared out of my mind, it's time for me to have my ending to the story... happy, or not.
The nurse came in to Roberts’s room, looking all about for the source of the alarm. Her plump body waddled as she came into the room. She approached the bed where Robert lay… she didn’t know what was wrong though. She couldn't see anything wrong, and then she saw the heart monitor. Looking down at the now dead best selling author, her eyes welled up with tears, and a smile played about her lips. She held a book to her chest. Removing it, she looked at the signed copy that Robert had given her. When his friends died, movies were made about them. They all were famous. And now, there story was over. Crying, she walked to the edge of the room near the door into the hall, turned off the light, and slowly closed the door. The last thing she saw was Roberts’s dead body. He looked like he was sleeping. With a sigh, she shut the door plunging the room into darkness.
And so, they all lived happily ever after...
THE END.
